You will remove these restraints.

Held back by my eating disorder yet again this morning. I wish I could just Jedi the heck out of it and be done with it.

Emotions seem to kick start the run, eat, repeat cycle. The first Monday after the holiday season always leaves me feeling incredibly depressed, and today was further exacerbated by the loneliness I'm experiencing with my husband traveling for work this week. 

I've been reading Primal Endurance  - I was lucky to get an advance copy as part of the author's Amazon reviewer program. Phil Maffetone is heavily cited throughout the book, so there hasn't been anything I've read yet that was a complete surprise or brand new to me. 

Until I got to page 113: Female endurance athletes: balancing body fat, hormones, health, and sanity. He ends the first paragraph with this sentence:

"Furthermore, it's no secret that eating disorders are extremely common among elite female endurance competitors."

It's not a secret?! Well I didn't know that. There's other things I'd rather have in common with elite athletes, of course... like the ability to run fast. But this prompted me to go searching to see if anybody else is talking about EDs. I checked out my newest hero, Tawnee Prazak, host of the Endurance Planet podcast.

Turns out she's a match. Everything she describes, from the anxiety of ordering at a new restaurant to the fear of being judged, I can relate to. Even in her follow-up post here about not letting recovery turn into something equally as sinister strikes a chord. 

Anyway, Sisson's book cites Emily Deans, a psychiatrist who has had success with ED patients who have eliminated sugar and processed foods. She's published a bit here,  and I was interested to see she echoes what I've said before about moderation: 

"While some folks with addiction can actually, eventually, moderate their intake of the addictive substance, most people do better, at least for a while, with complete abstinence."

So here's the deal. Today, I hate the substance, not myself. Just like last time, I'm dusting myself off and remembering junk food is just NOT WORTH IT. I'm armed with even more information and support today than I was two weeks ago. I'd say that's well on the way to recovery, wouldn't you?

103 days left.

Today's Exercise: Rest