And I still keep going back to it.
I can't find my goal. My running today felt just as purposeless as yesterday. I tried slowing my MAF pace down another 5bpm - probably where I should have been for the last three months. When I hit my first mile at 17:54, I felt the tears coming. I wanted to quit my run right then. But I brushed them away and continued on.
I wish I could get a do-over on the last three months. I can't.
I wish I had more time. I don't.
Right now, it feels like I'm going to keel over running the 19.3 miles of the Dark Side Challenge. My husband does these races all the time with little to no training (sorry Ben, you know it's true) and I don't know how he survives. At least if we both die at the race, we go together.
Perhaps that's my new goal. Don't die during the Star Wars Half. Let's see if SMART still applies:
Specific: I will continue to exist by the end of the Star Wars Half.
Measureable: If I'm still upright and breathing, it's a win.
Attainable: Sure, lots of people run half marathons without dying.
Realistic: God, I hope so.
Timely: I have 48 days to figure out how to not die during the Star Wars Half.
/petulance
This is ridiculous, right? The last I checked, there was no "despondent" phase of the Whole 30. The "official" Whole 30 timeline indicates I'm two days away from the "Tiger Blood" phase. I could certainly use some of that right this second.
Well, with or without tiger blood, I'm ready to begin digging out of rock bottom.
I just need to figure out what my new strategy is for this race.
Today's Exercise: Recovery "Run" -
M1: 17:54
M2: 17:25
M3: 18:12 (and yes, the last minute of this was going through my head when I saw this appear on my watch)
M4: 18:04
M5: 17:24
M6: 18:20
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