On pride

"This is not how I thought this day was going to go."

Sorry Han. Here's hoping it doesn't get as bad for me as it got for you.

In less than one week, I will have completed the Star Wars Half Marathon. And it's not going to go how I thought it might when I started the blog back in September.

I will not be doing it in under 2 hours. In fact, it's likely I'll be recording my slowest race time ever.

Between preparing for my upcoming race and hearing that I have a lot of work to do if I wish to keep my front teeth, I'm taking a lot of blows to my ego this week... which was fragile enough to begin with.

But you know what? I have NO regrets. Bring it on, public failure.

You think failing privately would have made me feel any better?

Imma survive this. Every day, I actively make a choice to post. I choose to share this. I could have kept it all to myself. I could have never started the blog. And I could have stopped writing when I knew I wasn't going to achieve my goal.

The truth is that I've realized everyone is starring in their own movie, and I'm just an extra. Does anybody care if the extra runs a sub 2 half marathon? Hell no.

There was never a real risk to my pride, right? And look at everything I gained out of putting myself out there. A Jedi Master reached out to coach me off the run, eat, repeat cycle. I have six months worth of detailed notes that can help me figure things out for the next half marathon. And I started out thinking I'd have to quit running at some point if I ever wanted to get healthy, and learned that just isn't true.

Oh, and for those who have been with me for a while, remember this post? The one about New Year's Resolutions and having more fun? I think my real failure here is lack of keeping up with the fun.

So I'm going to do whatever it takes to have fun at my races (remember, there are actually two, even though I've been so focused on the half marathon only) next weekend.

And then I'm going to have to figure out what I want to do with this blog afterwards. I'll be taking at least a week off for vacation, but it's TBD what happens after that. I know I'll have to update my "Start Here" page. Not sure what else the future holds in terms of updates.

Today's exercise: Rest