The end of my career

Fast forward three weeks to Monday, October 2. I booted up my work laptop from home, as I had done every Monday morning since becoming a full-time remote employee, and was greeted with an instant message from my co-worker in Michigan. "Something bad is happening," she said, and named a few of my peers that had been pulled into meetings with human resources that morning. "And they just took Mike."

I froze. Mike held the same job title as me. If he was being let go, it meant I was next.

"God, I hope I am wrong and they aren't laying off everybody," came her next message.

I went about my own business for the next twenty minutes until I saw Mike's green light appear on his instant messenger. I wrote him a quick note - "I understand today is a bad day. Got a sec to talk?" He said yes and I gave him a call.

He confirmed the bad news - that his position was eliminated effective end of year. "They shared 40 other people are being let go due to a reorganization," he said. "I don't know who they are, they just gave me a sheet of job grades and ages (a requirement to prove nondiscrimination, I guess), so you may still be safe," he shared.

But as he finished that exact sentence, an incoming call came in. "I gotta go," I said to Mike. "It's them..." He wished me luck and I clicked over to the other line to hear from a director I barely knew and an HR rep I didn't know at all that my position was being eliminated come end of the year.

I barely heard the details of my terms of severance. All I could think about was how long I had served this company, how stupid they were to get rid of someone like me with so much institutional knowledge, how I might never find another job here in Florida, at least not one that paid what I needed to earn and allowed me to still work from home full time. And how cruel could they be to do this to someone who just went through the scariest thing in her life at that point in Hurricane Irma?

Over the next three months, I went through every emotion that comes with loss. I was furious. I was in denial, thinking something was going to change and they'd see how much they needed me. At times, I was relieved to be getting out... thinking about those who had managed to keep their jobs but were somehow going to have to figure out how to do the work of 40 people that had just been let go. But mostly, I was sad to think that this chapter of my life was ending, and my time with an employer that I loved... even though I didn't always love the job... was ending.

I began applying for a few jobs half-heartedly, focusing my search on positions that allowed remote work arrangements. I also applied for a new job that had been created as a result of the reorganization with my company, but was notified on Christmas Eve that I didn't get it. The fact that they dragged the interviews out from October through November and then didn't notify me until Christmas Eve... what a holiday gift, eh? It's hard to this day to forgive how they treated me during that time.

December 29th came faster than I was ready for, and I found myself packing up my computer equipment and shipping it back to the company. And then 2018 came, and I found myself - for the first time ever - facing unemployment.

The job search was... painful. As an introvert, networking and interviews drain the heck out of me, yet that became my daily life. I thought - without work weighing me down - I might actually be able to focus on health and running (remember, I had signed up for the Princess Half Marathon last year thinking I was going to be able to get the pink coast-to-coast challenge medal, but we know that didn't work out as planned), but I didn't get anywhere closer to meeting my health goals during that time.

In all those months of searching, I did manage to earn one job offer in March - for 30% less than I was making at my former employer, and no chance of a work-from-home arrangement. I couldn't sleep that night after the offer, dreading saying "yes" but fearing that I'd be losing out on the only opportunity I'd ever have for gainful employment again. But something in my gut told me it wasn't right, and I spent all night "upping my game" so to speak. I created a personal resume website, and immediately started looking for jobs that I knew would pay me what I'm worth and give me a chance to work at home again. I went to my old employer's website, and found a posting on one of the old teams I used to work for. Sure, it wasn't a marketing job, but it had a great shot of giving me the right salary and would be a full-time remote job. I sent an email at 4:43am to an old colleague of mine asking for some inside info on the job, and applied the next day.

I then politely declined the offer I had received, butterflies floating in my stomach the entire time, worrying I was blowing my one shot for decent work. I know today that was the right choice... because within one month, I was given the offer for the job I had applied to with my former employer.

And, just like Irma, one of the scariest moments in my life had finally had some closure with a very happy ending. But two weeks after I started my new job, I received my cancer diagnosis. It seemed like I was only picked up just to be knocked flat on my face once again.