All Wings Report In

The last two weeks were even worse than I thought they might be. Gum surgery is the stuff nightmares are made of.

Disney Marathon weekend is wrapping up. A few of my college friends had registered for the half marathon, while a few others I know were doing every race to complete the Dopey Challenge. My husband and I fully intended on getting up at 3:30am yesterday to go hold up ridiculous posters and cheer them on, but threats of lightning storms Saturday morning forced Disney to cancel the half.

Disney offered a lot of very nice options for the poor runners who had to miss out, but my heart really goes out to the Dopey Challengers. While I am fairly certain they still get the Dopey Challenge medal for completing the other races this week, people who voluntarily sign up for that kind of grueling torture aren't looking for an easy way out. No, they want the bragging rights. The lost toenails. The hero story. At least, that's what I'll be looking for when I eventually knock it off my bucket list.

Except I was reminded today that Disney Marathon weekend is held during the two days of  actual winter Florida has each year. Might need to rethink this one.

Besides, I'm coming up on the two month-iversary since I quit running, with no plans to pick it up in the foreseeable future. I do have big plans to make a significant investment in my health in the coming weeks, though. I am meeting this week with a few different so-called experts (I'll be the judge, thankyouverymuch), and my only concrete goal right now is to not enter the world of debt while trying to get my act together.

I also have big plans for my professional life and need to focus my writing energy elsewhere. So I'll be putting this blog on hiatus until two things happen:

1. My new project launches.
2. I feel like I might be able to run a sub 2 half.  

Please stand by.

All I Want for Christmas

Is my two front teeth. SO I got a gum graft today.

Earlier this year, I was told by my dentist to make an appointment with a periodontist asap because I was in danger of losing my bottom front teeth.

So I saw the periodontist in June. He recommended a gum graft in order to protect my teeth, because there was too much exposed bone beneath the gum line.

Let me explain how a gum graft works. After stabbing you in the mouth with giant needles of lidocaine four times (at least by the fourth time, you really aren't feeling ANYTHING), the periodontist then slices off tissue from the roof of your mouth (better let him know which side you prefer to chew on, because the side that he takes the tissue from is going to be unusable for at least a week), sutures it up so you don't have a gaping hole in your palate, and then sews that piece of tissue onto what's left of your gums to protect the exposed bone. He then stabs you one more time with lidocaine so that you at least have one more hour after the procedure is over to drive yourself home before intense pain sinks in. The whole process takes about 90 minutes, and you're awake the entire time. Meanwhile, you spend the following two weeks praying that the graft holds and new connective tissue starts growing (you assume it's going to be two weeks because that's when you have to go back to get the stitches out) so that you don't have to go through this misery again. That two weeks includes drooling all over yourself and probably taking most of your meals in liquid form.

Sexy, isn't it?

Anyway, after he explained all of this to me, the office assistant let me know they would need to receive a pre-authorization from my insurance company and that the process could take a while.

By "a while," they apparently meant six months. Now, I probably could have been more proactive in nagging my insurance company to provide the approval sooner, but... would YOU rush to get yourself a Frankenmouth as outlined above? Didn't think so.

You'd still be my friend even if my teeth look like this, right?

When the periodontist called me last week to let me know my pre-authorization had finally been granted, I paused. I really didn't think the days leading up to Christmas would be the best time to have this done, especially because I'm traveling to New Jersey and Pennsylvania next week to see my family. But over the course of the last few months, my employer had decided to change our insurance provider for 2017, meaning if I didn't get it done now, I'd have to wait for the new insurance company to provide authorization, which could take yet another six months. I also don't know how much of this procedure the new insurance company would cover, but my guess is that my employer is trying to cut costs and I'd be stuck with a larger bill if I waited.

So I had the surgery today. And now I regret it.

Because I can't have coffee for two weeks. (No, I don't count iced coffee or cold brew as coffee. Eww.) I actually can't have anything hot, which sucks because I'm headed to the arctic tundra next week.

Also, I tried quitting coffee earlier this year, and I didn't even make it a day. So this should be interesting.

I'm learning now what it's like to eat only for the purpose of staying alive. Trust me, food is bringing me absolutely no joy right now. Quite the fitting end to 2016 for me, wouldn't you agree?

Game Change

Since Snapchat is becoming a legitimate marketing tool, I asked my brother - who is as millennial as they get - to teach me how to use it last week while I was in NJ.

I'm still not sure I get it, but I set my account up and gave it a try since I definitely had a "story" to tell today. But let's be clear, I'll never be able to part with the written word in favor of images. I'm just not that photogenic. 

So if you are a snappy chat user, feel free to add me - DarkSideRunner - for today's story.

Otherwise, here are the highlights (if you can call them that):

1. My periodontist explained that my gums are very healthy and that I am not actually in danger of losing my front teeth. He reminded me that there are four sides to each tooth, and 3 out of 4 sides have plenty of healthy gum to keep my front teeth solidly in my mouth. The real problem is that the gum has receded in the front of my mouth. I have exposed bone on the front side of my 3 bottom teeth, and I have suffered some bone loss. In order to protect me from losing any more bone, I will need to get a gum graft. We'll talk about that process another day, because it sounds absolutely horrid and I don't want to think about it right now.
2. My doctor took a look at my injured foot and determined that an x-ray was unnecessary. He reprimanded me for running at all over the last two months. advised me not to run again until he says I'm clear, and then treated my foot with an electromagnetic pulse machine. The EMP is weird and uncomfortable, BUT it made my foot very happy for the rest of the day today. I'm going back for further treatment on Thursday.
3. I also got the results of my blood test. Everything was normal. I never thought I'd be disappointed to hear I was "normal." But it's heartbreaking because at least if my tests were abnormal, I'd finally have an explanation behind all of my... idiosyncracies. The anxiety. The eating disorder. The exhaustion.

But nope, I'm "normal." Damn it.

Here's the game changer though - my doc shared that "normal" isn't the same as "optimal." The "normal" range provided by the lab is based on a statistical average of the population of that lab. The people who typically have blood work done are statistically not the healthiest segment of the population. Therefore, according to my doc, my "normal" lab results are saying that I'm just like a lot of other sick people.

So he prescribed me thyroid medication.

I've been pretty anti-drug for most of my recent adult life. And while I completely understand his explanation of "normal" vs. "optimal," I'm still skeptical. But even though the numbers say I'm normal, I just don't feel that way and really want to be "fixed."

I'm supposed to start taking it tomorrow morning. So at least I have the night to think this through a little bit more.

This is the Part When I Break Free

Home. It's good to be here.

So now I have no excuses for not completely committing to becoming a better, healthier me, right?

Tomorrow sounds better.

Or maybe next week. I have to travel again next weekend for a wedding. Ugh. That means I have to wear a dress. And be in photos. Kinda wished I had committed to becoming a better me two months ago...

I just realized that I've been on a plane at least once a month since February this year. Twice a month in May and June. Let's keep the streak going!!!

#sarcasm

I'm a homebody. I hate not being in complete control of my environment.

There's always going to be a "good" reason to put off the diet to the future, and right now travel is my excuse. But no matter what the excuse, it just boils down to the fact that I think it's somehow going to be easier for future Nicole than for present Nicole to do it.

And we know this just isn't true.

Wouldn't I be doing myself a huge favor by just committing today?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really just not that motivated. I hear so many transformation stories like this one that start with people making permanent changes because they need to for their children. Well, I'll never have that type of motivation.

I feel like I've been presented with plenty of motivational opportunities, though. Like trying to avoid public failure, for example. The purpose of pulling this blog together to announce my intention of running a sub 2 half marathon was to keep me committed. And that didn't work.

Being told there's a chance I might lose my front teeth? Scary as hell, but apparently not scary enough to keep me away from sugar.

Untimely death of a loved one? I thought I was motivated after my stepmom died about thirty years too soon, but nope. Still stuck in unhealthy behaviors.

Tomorrow's a big day. Gonna learn the fate of my teeth, and also going to see my doctor for the results of my blood test last week. I'm also going to have him look at my foot since that still isn't healed from the half marathon I ran two months ago.

Maybe I'll actually find my motivation tomorrow. And maybe I really will commit tomorrow.

Today's exercise: Spin

National Donut Day

Not easy to be a sugar addict on National Donut Day. All I see over social media are all the places that are giving out free donuts! When will we be celebrating National Spinach Day?

And doesn't anybody else think that if they are going to hold Global Running Day and National Donut Day in the same week, why not make it the same day? I mean, if you are going to eat free donuts, you might as well earn them.

Today was actually Blood Draw Day for me. I finally worked up the courage to go have my lab tests done as prescribed by Dr. Paleo. I can regale you with wonderful tales of the numerous times I've fainted when in the presence of needles, but maybe some other time. I always blanch at the suggestion of having blood work done. But I've decided June should be my month to focus on health and do the things I've been putting off.

I'm travelling back to New Jersey tomorrow and will be gone for the next week, so my doc should have the results by the time I get back. I can then talk to him about the current state my ankle is in. I would have expected it to be back to normal by now as we're getting close to two months since I injured it, but last night's treadmill run told me otherwise.

I'm also meeting up with a periodontist when I get back to make sure things are not as dire for my front teeth as I was told they might be back in April. I had a follow-up appointment with my dentist a few weeks ago, but that office is a hot mess and I trust nothing they say. I'll be finding a new dentist, but figured it couldn't hurt in the meantime to get a true expert opinion.

Anyway, no running for the next two days (at least for me), but getting in some fun tonight with the husband before I leave him for the week. We're going to a classical concert by a well-respected artist, perhaps you've heard of him:

It's the Final Countdown

Imma just put this here:


I can't believe I'm one week away from checking into my room at Disney's Yacht Club Resort and making my way over to the race expo for packet pick-up. I can not wait to see what we're getting for race t-shirts!

Race shirts are always hit or miss for me. They just can't seem to consistently get women's sizes right. If I get a women's medium, I'm taking a risk - either it will become clothing for my dog or I'll belt it and wear it as a dress (thanks, Wine and Dine). There's no happy medium (hah, see what I did there?) The Star Wars Half at Disneyland got it right last year. So I'm optimistic.

Speaking of optimism... I had a shitty run today.

But you know what? I'm fine with it.

Sure, I had high expectations after hitting MAF miles in the 14's last Sunday, but a lot has happened since then:

• Having ended my marathon family visitation week, I'm back to eating healthfully, which means reduced carbs compared to last week. Maybe I'm just in an adjustment period.
• I tried sprinting on Wednesday after work. It's been a long time since I last did sprint intervals. Maybe I wasn't fully recovered when I went out today.
• I didn't sleep well last night. Woke up at 3am thinking it was closer to 5:30am and wondering why I was so awake. Didn't really fall back asleep, as I started to think about some crazy work deadlines I'm facing.
• I received some distressing news yesterday from my dentist, also one of the things that kept me awake this morning. And while what she said does weigh heavily - in that it reminds me that some of the damage I've done to myself is irreversible - it does not mean my teeth are gone today. I can and will do whatever it takes to keep them.

One run on any given day isn't going to make a difference.

Today's exercise: 6 mileish "so what if it was craptastic" run
M1: 16:28
M2: 17:52
M3: 17:01
M4: 16:09
M5: 15:02
M6: 15:43

Pulling Teeth

Let's start with a positive - new Star Wars teaser trailer if you haven't seen it!

And now the rest: I saw a dentist for the first time in over a year. It didn't go well.

I'll back up and let you know that I take meticulous care of my teeth. I've always been up on my dentist appointments, generally going every six months. I only let it go this long because my husband changed jobs last year, and I could no longer be on his insurance plan. So I enrolled in my own employer's dental plan, only to learn that the plan didn't cover the dentist I had been seeing.

So I figured since I was moving anyway, I'd just wait to find a new dentist here in Florida. But it kept getting pushed to the bottom of the priority pile. By the time I was able to find a new dentist nearby, get them listed as my primary care dentist, and get an appointment during a time that was mutually convenient for both of us, it was... well, today.

The thing is... I do have some problems. In my mid-twenties, my dentist at the time clued me in that I was headed for some serious trouble. It didn't make much sense for someone who brushes twice a day and flosses before bedtime, so my dentist just didn't believe me and didn't give me any other advice about my teeth.

Maybe had he known about my eating disorder - and all the accompanying nutritional deficiencies - I'd have something more to go on. But, as I've mentioned before, I was just not ready to talk to anybody about it back then, not even a licensed health care professional.

I continued to do what I could to practice good oral hygiene. With every move I've made - California to Connecticut to New Jersey and now to Florida - I'd have to see a new dentist. And each time, they'd look at me with concern and suggest my condition was something to be monitored.

Well, except for today's dentist. She kind of looked at me like I had teeth like this:

The first thing she asked me is if I had a mouth piercing (assuming she meant like a labret piercing) at some point in my history. Hah! Me? Hell no. I fainted when I got my ears pierced at 8 years old - a traumatic story (for another day) that has left me with a major fear of needles and a guarantee that I'd never get anything else pierced again.

Anyway, I guess the issues with my gums were similar to what someone would experience with that type of piercing. When I told her no, I never had a piercing, but was aware of my issues, she jumped ALL OVER ME.

Now, hang on - my prior dentists' all had concerns, it's true, but with each subsequent appointment, I'd usually be informed that my condition had remained stable. I tried to explain this to my dentist today, but she just said that all of my other dentists should be stripped of their licenses and that I was to blame for not seeing a periodontist AGES ago.

For real?

Well... my fault... my dentist's fault... it doesn't matter.

Being told you are going to lose all of your front teeth at 35 years old is pretty scary.

Just saying.

Eating disorders suck.

Today's Exercise: Rest.