When exercise becomes unhealthy Part 2

I was investigating a dip in traffic to the blog this week and discovered I inadvertently changed my privacy settings. Way to go, Nicole. It was a particularly bonehead thing to do given I'm still trying to rebuild an audience after killing RttDS last January. So if you're here, I am very grateful you're still sticking with me. Thanks.

Yesterday, I introduced the moment I started seeking new answers to problems that had been building throughout my entire life. I had been juggling a restrict/binge/purge cycle for years, and prior to 2012, I had tried unsuccessfully to end this through therapy. I think part of the problem was that I wasn't willing to stop the intense exercise - I was only focused on the "binge" portion of my problem. Here are some things that were happening to me that should have clued me in sooner that I was overdoing it:

1. Loss of menstrual cycle: I didn't start journaling until about 2010, so I have fuzzy timelines on this, but I had been taking hormonal birth control up until 2009. I stopped because I figured taking hormones for 10+ years was a bad idea. Shortly after I stopped the BCP, I stopped getting my cycle regularly. I likely would have lost my cycle sooner - BCP was artificially keeping it going. As I shared in this post, it came back late 2015 after I stopped the running madness.
2. Compromised immune system: Like I said yesterday, I was sick all of the time in 2012. It was particularly bad that year because I faced lots of stressful events then, and wasn't doing myself any favors adding in the extreme exercise. But even in the years following, I'd find myself feeling run down frequently. Since 2015, I've had less of a challenge fighting off infection.
3. Night sweats: TMI? About once a month, I'd wake up in the middle of the night absolutely drenched. It could be the middle of the winter, it didn't matter. This was the absolute WORST because a. Gross and b. There was no chance of me going back to sleep when this happened. I never tied the hormonal chaos my body was going through back to this, but given that it hasn't happened in a few years, I think it's safe to say the intense exercise was connected.
4. Compulsion: While not a physical symptom per se, I feel like it's important to address here. Exercise was *the* thing my life revolved around. All social engagements were prioritized around my training schedule. I was even late to my bridal shower because I needed to hit the gym the morning of, and my husband wasn't ready to go to the gym with me on time, but I just would not cut my run short. It's no longer the end of the world if I miss a workout these days.
5. Lack of improvement: Remember I said yesterday one of those overtraining signals is still hanging around? This is the one. The thing is I DID get faster and I DID lose weight when I began half marathon training, even though some of the other problems above I had already been experiencing for a few years. And things kinda evened out for me in 2012... and then started to get worse, and haven't improved since. 

Things are supposed to be getting better now, damn it.

BONUS SYMPTOM: Anxiety. I don't know whether to include this here or not. It COULD be related. I can't ignore the fact that it certainly peaked in 2012 while I was training for two half marathons, but there was a lot of other stuff going on. I've experienced it less intensely over the last few years, but I think there are other things in my life besides my running and eating habits that are contributing to that as well. 

I've noticed my anxiety has increased since I started the meds. I confirmed with New Doc this week that bupropion acts like an amphetamine. "That can be a bit uncomfortable for someone with anxiety," he says. Gee, doc, ya think?! He's changing my script, although the lower dose has more of an immediate release. We'll see how that goes.

Anyway, I share the above in the hopes that it can help you or someone you know to figure out if you have an unhealthy relationship with exercise. There are plenty of other ways your body could be yelling at you to slow down, but the biggest thing is that you've gotta be in a place where you are willing to listen. Something about living through a natural disaster like Hurricane Sandy finally got me to listen and start looking for answers. Gotta live our best lives now because tomorrow is not promised.

I sense much fear

Birthday transgressions aside, I've been sticking to what I believe is a perfect diet for over a month now. I should be on top of the goddamn world.

But here's where we stand four weeks after starting medication to get me out of the run/eat/repeat loop:

• I'm tired. I sleep just fine, but I can't seem to shake this general feeling of fatigue. I constantly feel like I need a nap. When the weekend rolls around, I should be ready to go bang down Disney World's gates, but it doesn't sound nearly as much fun as curling back up in bed does. And I didn't think it was possible, but every run seems to get slower than the last.  
• I'm cranky. I am always on edge. Poor Ben can't wait for another business trip to get out of the path of Nicole the Lion. Part of the problem is that I feel like my anxiety has been jacked up a thousand fold, and my impending doom is always around the corner. So wouldn't that make you a little testy too? 
• I've lost 0.0 pounds. This is the cruelest twist of all. I am talking to the tenths of a pound here, people. How can I not binge, eat cleanly, exercise sensibly, and have nothing to show for it? 

Sanity is overrated anyway.

Fact: I had mentally prepared myself for painfully slow weight loss when starting the drugs. No, for realsies. Here's why:

1. I am 100% certain that undereating and overexercising got me into this mess years ago. So I am super paranoid now about making sure I track every last calorie in My Fitness Pal, and I'm eating towards the high end of what someone my height/weight/activity level should probably be eating.
2. I had been taking supplemental thyroid medication for over a year, and stopped last month. My timing is great, isn't it? Now, because I had been taking this medication for a while, my brain said "sweet, I don't have to worry about telling Mrs. Thyroid to do anything anymore," and checked out of that business. Even though I titrated down my thyroid medication dosage to the best of my ability, I figured there would be a period of time before my brain realized she's got a job to do again. From what I had read, it usually can take two weeks to a month. 

So I knew it would be slow, but to not see any progress after a month is fucking depressing. And I just don't know what to do at this point. I don't want to mess with calorie intake just yet. Fortunately, I do have a follow-up appointment with New Doc this week so maybe I can get some guidance. I've been considering going back to Dr. Paleo too, for the sole purpose of getting some quick bloodwork done to see exactly what's going on thyroid-wise, but maybe I'll give it another week or two. 

I understand solving 20+ years of disordered eating takes time, but here's the reality of the situation: I've wasted my best years on this... thing. This fixation, this obsession, whatever you want to call it, with being an athlete. No. With having an athletic body-type. And I've put off other goals. I can't concentrate on other things I want to achieve. I start other "projects," but always come back to THIS. I can't do it anymore because life is just going to pass me by. I need to be done with it. I can't accept that what I am now might be as good as it gets for me. And that I very well may have missed my window to get a sub-2 half marathon. 

So... not seeing any progress is pretty scary for me. 

I found an old birthday e-card I received from SparkPeople that I saved because it had this quote in it and it's so right: What matters most in life is often viewed as peripheral to the things that we focus on. Passion takes a backseat to production, wellness to working, and balance to busyness. The old adage that 'life is not a dress rehearsal' is so true, and yet we act to the contrary by putting off what is truly important or indulging in things that are not...

Logical Nicole knows the above is true. So why am I still drowning in this ridiculous fear?

Big Why vs. Little Why

It was bound to happen. The "Never Binge Again" (NBA) program that I believed to be the solution to my binge eating problems stopped working. I was off the wagon for about three weeks.

After I wrote this post acknowledging my wagon-fall earlier in June, I decided to book another one-on-one coaching session with Dr. Glenn Livingston.  But his time books up really quickly, and the first available appointment I could get with him was last Friday morning. In the two weeks until I met with him again, I let my "inner pig" get the best of me. I was feeling pretty awful, convinced the NBA protocol had failed me like everything else I tried, and I might as well stop trying and eat whatever I want.

Me during the month of June

Even though I was feeling like NBA was no longer the solution, I attended my coaching session with Dr. Livingston. I explained how frustrated I was that things had been going so well for a while, but that I fell off the wagon and just couldn't seem to get back on track. "It just feels like I'm never going to change, so why bother trying?" I explained.

He figured me out in the two minutes it took me to lay this all out there (which is great, because each coaching session is only 15 minutes long. No time to waste!)

"Well, if you don't try, then what's guaranteed to happen?"

"If I don't try, I definitely won't change," I acknowledged.

"Right. Also, it sounds like you lost your motivation."

I contemplated that for a moment. I really haven't "lost" my motivation. I know exactly what it is, as I wrote it out in a detailed "Big Why" statement, an exercise Dr. Livingston had us do as part of the NBA online seminar. A "Big Why" statement is exactly what it sounds like - the big reason why you are committed to never binging again. For me, attaining a healthy weight, having energy and focus, and - of course - running a sub 2 half marathon are all included in my "Big Why."

"No," I disagreed. "I read my 'Big Why' statement to myself every day. Maybe my 'Big Why' isn't big enough." In the back of my mind, I thought about weight loss success stories I've read online. Usually, the motivating factor involves children. I'm not a parent, so I can't use this as a motivator.

"Or maybe you need a 'Little Why.'"

A "Little Why?" I hadn't thought about that before. All of the things I want to achieve as part of my "Big Why" are in the distant future. My far-off future self is a stranger to me, so why would I do something - like NOT eat the cookie - that's going to benefit a stranger? A "Little Why" could be all about more immediate gratification.

"Yes, I think I need a 'Little Why'," I answered him. So my homework assignment from our call was to figure out some of the immediate benefits of sticking to my food plan. So far, here's what I've got:

• I'll feel good enough to go for a run (important if I ever want to achieve that sub 2 half marathon goal)
• I'll be able to focus enough on writing at least 15 minutes every day (baby steps towards completing my novel) 

Um. That's it so far. And as of right now, neither of these things sound better than having a cookie. I understand I need to abstain from some of Life's pleasures in order to experience others, but what's going to be THE thing that makes me unravel years of engaging in such a terrible habit?

Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. The good news is that I've had a few better days since meeting with Dr. Livingston, but I don't feel as strong as I did when I started the program. I want to get back to that invincible feeling. 

Never Binge Again

I just want to thank everyone who participated in my EatSmart Precision Digital Kitchen Scale giveaway! Congratulations to Amber H for the win! 

As I mentioned in my last post, I'm overdue in providing an update regarding the program I'm currently using to end my binge eating problems. A reminder: binge eating problems have consumed a good portion of my adult life. Despite seeing multiple therapists, trying different diets, and reading every book out there on binging over the last ten years, I have never had any success in killing my eating disorder. Distance running kept my problem from being super noticeable to the general public, but burned me out over the last few years. I was exhausted, stressed out, and miserable.

Right around the time I started this blog in 2015, I somehow ended up on the mailing list for the Bright Line Eating program offered by Susan Peirce Thompson. In her introductory emails, Susan shared she had found the solution to ending binge eating, and provided a short video series sharing a very high-level overview about the program. Her marketing tactics worked, and I couldn't wait to find out about her "Boot Camp" that offered online support in implementing the Bright Line tactics. So I joined a live webinar to hear about the Boot Camp and received instant sticker shock.

Ending binge eating was apparently going to cost me $1,000+.

I was disappointed to learn that online group therapy could be so expensive. I remember thinking that Weight Watchers was only $45 per month and you actually get some face to face support, vs. the online forum-based support that came with the BLE Boot Camp. The program may have changed since I looked into it two years ago, but at the time, it seemed to me that Susan was taking advantage of people who desperately wanted to end binge eating.

Shortly after that, I changed the way I was training for the runDisney Star Wars Half Marathon and hoped that slower running combined with a higher fat/lower carb diet could help me kill the binge dragon. I was focused on that effort for a while, but saw no results.

However, in July 2016, I found a new "expert" to follow. I actively read the Mark's Daily Apple blog, and was interested to see a binge eating disorder expert being interviewed on his podcast. So I listened to what Dr. Glenn Livingston had to say... and then immediately consumed every bit of information I could find on the guy, including downloading and reading his FREE book on Amazon. I wrote this short post about the Never Binge Again program, and successfully implemented his suggestions for the rest of the summer.

But then, I let my guard down. Birthdays, holidays... you know how the second half of the year can be. I was fooled into thinking I knew exactly how to "put my inner pig back in its cage," and having a treat here and there turned into something much more sinister again. I found myself back to where I started, and didn't give "Never Binge Again" much more thought.

Until January. The new year arrived, and I started receiving emails from yet another binge eating expert, Isabel Foxen Duke. Isabel employed similar marketing tactics as Susan Peirce Thompson, and I was hooked. Her videos made me believe she had the real answer to binge eating disorder, and I couldn't wait to sign up for her coaching program.

The cost? $1,000+. Again, her program provided webinars and group support. No individual consultations for me and my particular problems. There's a lot of money to be made in the world of eating disorders. Someone has to be paying these prices, I guess, but it's not me. I've got other bills I have to pay, thankyouverymuch.

Meanwhile, I had continued receiving emails from Dr. Glenn Livingston and remembered how his program had sort of worked for me last year. It was so easy, based on rules I could make for myself... no menus to follow, no counting points or calories, and no weigh-ins necessary. I just needed some help in constructing a solid plan for myself and implementing a simple - yet effective - mind trick when faced with the possibility of deviating from that plan.

Enter Dr. Livingston's "Online Intensive" program. His program consists of four group webinars (held live so you can ask questions, but recorded in the event you can't attend one), followed by three months of unlimited one-on-one coaching sessions via phone or Skype.

So... based on the other two programs I looked into, which offer no personalized help, I expected Dr. Livingston's would be much more expensive. Right?

Nope. The NBA program costs just $400.

Seriously.

Dr. Livingston gives away his book, charges almost a third of what his competitors are charging, and sincerely cares about your success with the program -  so much so that if you are unsatisfied at the end of the webinar series, and after participating in three one-on-ones, you can receive a full refund of your fees.

But I won't need a refund. It's working.

My only criticism is that each one-on-one session is only fifteen minutes long. You have to do some pre-work before the session and some homework after it to fully benefit from it. I don't mind doing the legwork, but when I had my first session with Dr. Livingston a week ago, I did feel a little rushed through it. But I know I've got two more months to connect with him more frequently if I need to.

Honestly, though, this is working SO well that I don't know if I will need to. And his techniques also work in other areas of my life, too. Don't feel like writing today, Nicole? Or is it your inner pig? Is it really you, Nicole, that doesn't want to go to the gym today, or is it your inner pig acting lazy again? Making a daily connection with the "real" me that has hopes, dreams, and aspirations (using Dr. Livinston's techniques) has helped me achieve more on a daily basis compared to what I was accomplishing when I was solely focused on solving my food challenges.

So if you are one of my readers who has identified with anything I've ever written here about binge eating, sticking to a food plan, or trying to achieve a healthier lifestyle... but have failed time and time again... do yourself a favor, and download Dr. Livingston's free book. It's a quick, easy read, and may be just enough to jumpstart your success.

If you do it this week, I believe his next Online Intensive program would start Saturday (but don't quote me on that). You don't have to have read the book to join the program, but I think it will give you a good foundation going into it.

Have you read the book? Or have you also participated in an Online Intensive? Leave a comment to share your experience! 

Are you asking for a challenge?

If only I could run like Homestar Runner.

This week, I'm participating in the "Arms, Abs, and Clean Eating" Challenge, hosted by my friend Danielle of Sunshine and Situps fame. The timing works out perfectly for me, as this 5-day challenge falls right in between a Mother's Day super-not-clean brunch buffet and the Whole Life Challenge, which starts on Saturday.

Danielle first invited me to participate in a similar 5-day challenge last month, but it was a rough week for me since my in-laws were visiting. I ultimately decided that trying to adhere to the challenge rules while entertaining family would add more stress than I was comfortable taking on, and asked her if I could postpone participating until the May challenge.

The challenge rules are simple, though: eat foods from a prescribed grocery list, exercise at least 25 minutes a day, and drink half your body weight in ounces of water. Everyone participating needs to check in daily in our Facebook group to report on progress. Danielle gives you resources to succeed daily, including the day's menu (using items from the grocery list), an exercise plan, and coaching support. Part of the challenge includes taking measurements before and after to see what a difference 5 days can make, which could motivate participants to continue healthy behaviors well after the challenge is over.

So Monday went really well for me, with the exception of having some crazy sugar cravings around 2pm. I chalk this up to the nutritional off-roading I experienced over the weekend during Mother's Day. My diet has been gluten/soy/dairy/sugar-free for a few solid weeks, during which I never experienced cravings. So I'm sure I'm paying for my diet transgressions now, as my inner sugar dragon is roaring. Therefore, I have not been following the menu as prescribed because I think it's important for me to go back to G/S/D/S-free asap, and some of these items are included in the daily menu. But I'm all over drinking the water and doing the exercises.

But on Tuesday, I failed.

The call to Dunkin Donuts butter pecan coffee - with cream - was too strong. I need to be very careful not to let one day of unrestrained eating turn into a full week of poor decision making. I made a commitment, and I need to stick with it.

Part of the trends I'm noticing is that I have a much easier time staying on track when my husband is traveling for work. He doesn't eat anything that resembles a vegetable, and it's really hard to remain committed when you've gotta watch someone else eat potato chips and candy.

So I'm not sure what I'm going to do during the Whole Life Challenge coming up if I can't make it through even a five-day challenge with him being home. He doesn't have much business travel scheduled during those two months. Maybe I'll have to move in with my mother, who is doing the WLC with me, during that time.

Anybody have any suggestions? Leave a comment below! (Which, by the way, would count towards your entries towards winning my Kitchen Scale Giveaway! Don't forget to enter before 5/27!)

EatSmart Precision Digital Kitchen Scale Giveaway!

My favorite thing in the world? When someone gifts me something to help me achieve my goals.

EatSmart Products recently reached out to ask if I would try out their new EatSmart Precision Digital Kitchen Scale* and write a review. Heck yeah I want free stuff that can help me lose weight!

The thing is, though, I already have a digital kitchen scale. I purchased this Escali Primo Digital Kitchen Scale* a few years ago and have been pretty satisfied with it. So when I received this in the mail, I figured I'd put the two in a head-to-head, no holds barred cage match to determine which one is best.

Battle 1: Design

When it comes to design, size, and weight, the two scales are pretty evenly matched. The Escali is just a little bit shorter in length, measuring about 6" x 8" compared to the EatSmart scale at 6" x 9". Both scales can measure up to 5 kg or 11 lbs. However, the Escali scale does have an "Off" button which can help you retain the battery life a little bit longer. The EatSmart scale does not, and will auto shut off after a few minutes. Winner: Escali

Battle 2: Accuracy

I did the penny test, since pennies are generally consistent in weight at 2.5 g. Both scales provide measurement in grams - however, the EatSmart scale can do a different measurement in lb while the Escali can provide weight in oz if needed. Neither scale provides weight to the tenth of an announce, and both scales gave a measurement of 2g. Winner: TIE

Battle 3: Price

The EatSmart scale is only $9.99 on Amazon*. The Escali scale is over twice as expensive, coming in at $24.95 on Amazon*.  Winner: EatSmart


Overall Winner

So overall, I'd give the match to the EatSmart Precision scale because you can save some money and put it towards your retirement!

Good news... I'm giving away this scale since I already own one. It will come in its original packaging with manual included. Just follow the instructions to enter below! Contest will end on 5/27/2017 at midnight EST.

EatSmart Precision Digital Scale Giveaway 

*Amazon Affiliate Link. This means that if you click any of the links to Amazon through my site and buy something, I may earn a commission. Much obliged.

You live for the Fight when it's all that you've got

So the big news of the day: Eliud Kipchoge was SO close to running a sub 2-hour marathon.

Is it too much to ask for me to be able to run half that distance in just about the same amount of time? Come on, people.

I've accepted the fact that it may never happen, but it doesn't mean I can't keep trying. I just need to make sure I'm not doing the same stupid things over and over again. And I am fairly confident I'm not because life looks a little bit different for me right now compared to when I was training for the Dark Side:

• In one week's time, I signed up for two half marathons, neither of which will be done in two hours. The St. Pete Run Fest is just too soon. I've somehow convinced a posse of ten women to run the Princess Half with me, which is great but also kind of awkward. I've never run with that many of my friends before, and the ones I do run with know I hate being held back (and it's why I like running with them frequently!). For this race, I don't know if we're running together or competing. I'm trying to put myself in the right mindset to run with my friends, not ahead of them. I know, I'm a terrible person. Please don't judge me too harshly. I'm tranquil as a forest but on fire within.
• I "beat" my eating disorder by becoming a padawan of Dr. Livingston. I first learned about his book, Never Binge Again, and wrote about him last July. I had some success following his strategy, but relapsed frequently in the latter half of the year. I decided to enroll in his one-on-one coaching program and, well, I'm never going to binge again. I'll write more about this in detail another time, because I do think this is a really important resource for other people struggling with binge eating. 
• As part of being an NBA student, I've learned to weigh in daily and don't fear the scale anymore. It's just data, a set of numbers that inform the choices I make in any given day. Prior to this program, I hadn't been on a scale (other than the doctor's office) in years, because knowing my weight could really ruin my day. 
• I'm on the max dosage of my thyroid medication, but it's not working. I feel exactly the same as I did when I started taking it last June. So the only thing left to do is to eat super clean, because clearly some of my dietary choices may have been inhibiting the meds from working. But here's the thing... if I start feeling better because I'm never binging and eating a super clean diet, then... well, what's really making me feel better? At this point, I think I'm just going to ask Dr. Paleo if I can phase out the meds. 
• I got suckered into taking the Whole Life Challenge beginning on May 20th. It's an 8-week diet/exercise/lifestyle challenge. For someone like me who lives every day as if it's a Whole Life Challenge, it's kind of a waste of $39. But quite a few of my family members are doing it, and it does gamify everything I've been trying to routinize over the last few months, so maybe it will be fun. There's still time to join if it's the kind of thing you think you might need to kick start a healthy lifestyle. Let me know in the comments if you are participating and I'll add you to my team. 

So there you have it. I have no expectation of running a sub 2 half this year and am going to try enjoying a run with friends. I am way better at eating now. And I'm only making positive choices for my health from here on out. Maybe it'll pay off for me with faster race times at some point in my life. 

Blogroll the last

A shining new era is tiptoeing nearer.

Bonus points if you know what song those lyrics come from.

Here's what I've been reading lately:

Train Like an Athlete:

• Quitting running is the right thing to do for some people.
• I can spend 30 minutes each day walking, especially now that they released the buddy feature in Pokemon Go.

Eat Like an Athlete: 

• A 30 second test to see how many carbs you should be eating.
• Apologies to my husband, but this is why I win.
• Finally - an answer to the carbs vs. fat debate? (Just kidding).
• Common myths about eating disorders.

Think Like an Athlete: 

• Thinking it's time to let go.
• Recovery = Resilience.
• Time to stop dwelling on past versions of ourselves.
• How to accomplish something with only 1/3 of the year remaining.
• Let me get this straight... being a perfectionist isn't fun?

Blogroll 14

Look what I captured this week:

Confirming my theory that I am the magikarp.

A recap of the things I've read over the week:

Train Like an Athlete:

• Perhaps I need to move to a state where this is legal.
• I'm a sweaty mess after every workout, and it means jack squat.
• I have used every one of these excuses to avoid running.
• Break a 95 minute half marathon (if you aren't me).

Eat Like an Athlete: 

• You've heard it before - abs are made in the kitchen.
• How psychologists define eating disorders.
• The 80/20 rule is exhausting. Go for 100%.
• Listen to your cravings.

Think Like an Athlete: 

• This article is spot on for me as an INFJ - How each Myers-Briggs Type reacts to stress.
• How competitive people can still have friends.
• How not to get old, even when you just had a birthday.
• Think like a Jedi to meet your goals.

Sleep Like an Athlete:

• 20 things you didn't know about paleo...  like sleep is important. Ok, most of this list is about diet, but I never have any good articles about sleep anymore. If you've got something good, send it my way!
• And the follow up to the above: Is a low carb diet ruining your health? Sleep also gets an honorable mention here. Anyway, I'll be upping the carbs for sure.

Blogroll the 12th

The EMP treatments at my doctor last week definitely made a difference. I went for a 5 mile treadmill run on Saturday with no side effects! So now I just need to work on re-adjusting to waking up early again for exercise... and the pain of waking up early is far greater than the pain I ever felt in my foot.

Some things I've been reading this week:

Train Like an Athlete:

• 3 tips that can save you from running injuries. Now they tell me.
• The best half marathons to get a PR. Guess which one is on the list. No pressure.
• 7 holistic techniques for losing weight. I consistently do about 3 or 4 of these things, so maybe you need to do all 7 for it to actually work.
• Weight management for runners. Summary: I won't be able to get faster AND lose weight at the same time. Depressing.

Eat Like an Athlete: 

• This woman's Whole 30 story sounds familiar. I'd pick it up again but... wine.
• 5 things I wish people knew about binge eating disorder. 
• How to break free of emotional overeating. 
• Should you fast before working out? I usually do since I'm working out first thing in the morning, but it hasn't really done much for me.

Think Like an Athlete: 

• Getting healthy habits to stick (I downloaded the "Way of Life" app recommended in this article to track some new habits I want to form. It's an ok app - if you know of a better one, please let me know in the comments!)
• 4 steps to letting go of fear to realize your dreams. 
• Introvert doodles.
• Chronic stress leads to anxiety - interesting findings in recent research on mice.

Sleep Like an Athlete:

• If you could pick the right foods to get the best sleep, wouldn't you?
• 5 reasons you're tired all of the time and what to do about it.

Squish Like Grape

I had a really awesome three-day weekend in DC and Maryland. Watched a good friend get married. It was an intensely emotional experience as I'm coming up on my own anniversary this week. Watching her on the happiest day of her life reminded me that you only get one best day of your life. It's not fair that it often happens for most of us so early in life.

I always thought I was at my healthiest and strongest on my wedding day. After all, two months before my wedding, I ran my first (and fastest) half marathon. But I now know that how I got to my "healthy weight" set me up with the difficulty I'm having today finding a good balance between diet and exercise.

My new doctor makes me get on the scale every time I go in to the office, which I take some umbrage with. My last doctor didn't force it on me. It pains me to share I'll be celebrating my 4th wedding anniversary at a weight I haven't seen since college. As I started losing weight after I graduated, I vowed I'd never see those numbers again. How the hell did I get back here?

I know how - I'm walking the middle of the road. You either karate do yes or karate do no.


This movie has my favorite montage sequence. I wish I could montage myself through the challenges life presents, but since I can't, it's time to karate do yes. No more of this 'sometimes' indulging in sugar, because we know "sometimes" turns into "all of the time".

I recently mentioned I signed up for Snapchat (DarkSideRunner). I've been trying to use it to keep good visual documentation as I transition to the healthy lifestyle I wish to live. This doesn't mean I'm leaving the blog behind, just means I'm trying something new. 

This is the Part When I Break Free

Home. It's good to be here.

So now I have no excuses for not completely committing to becoming a better, healthier me, right?

Tomorrow sounds better.

Or maybe next week. I have to travel again next weekend for a wedding. Ugh. That means I have to wear a dress. And be in photos. Kinda wished I had committed to becoming a better me two months ago...

I just realized that I've been on a plane at least once a month since February this year. Twice a month in May and June. Let's keep the streak going!!!

#sarcasm

I'm a homebody. I hate not being in complete control of my environment.

There's always going to be a "good" reason to put off the diet to the future, and right now travel is my excuse. But no matter what the excuse, it just boils down to the fact that I think it's somehow going to be easier for future Nicole than for present Nicole to do it.

And we know this just isn't true.

Wouldn't I be doing myself a huge favor by just committing today?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm really just not that motivated. I hear so many transformation stories like this one that start with people making permanent changes because they need to for their children. Well, I'll never have that type of motivation.

I feel like I've been presented with plenty of motivational opportunities, though. Like trying to avoid public failure, for example. The purpose of pulling this blog together to announce my intention of running a sub 2 half marathon was to keep me committed. And that didn't work.

Being told there's a chance I might lose my front teeth? Scary as hell, but apparently not scary enough to keep me away from sugar.

Untimely death of a loved one? I thought I was motivated after my stepmom died about thirty years too soon, but nope. Still stuck in unhealthy behaviors.

Tomorrow's a big day. Gonna learn the fate of my teeth, and also going to see my doctor for the results of my blood test last week. I'm also going to have him look at my foot since that still isn't healed from the half marathon I ran two months ago.

Maybe I'll actually find my motivation tomorrow. And maybe I really will commit tomorrow.

Today's exercise: Spin

Blogroll the 10th

Slammed at work. No time to think or write. At least I can still find a few minutes in my day to read...

Train Like an Athlete:

• I've definitely given myself plenty of days off from training at this point.
• I want to go back to crossfit, especially because of point #6 - just really need to make sure my stress fracture is completely healed.
• Leave your shoes at home next time you go for a run.
• Maybe you need to strength train less than you think.

Eat Like an Athlete: 

• All of these have been staples in my diet (I even started regularly taking maca this week). So now what am I supposed to eat?!
• Oh, here's what I'm supposed to eat.
• Well, that settles it. Never giving up coffee.
• But I'd love to give up sugar... only it seems to be much harder for me even beyond 48 hours.

Think Like an Athlete: 

• I haven't been able to keep up with meditation consistently, but I do have to walk my dog every morning.
• How to stop obsessing about body weight and food.
• Resilience should be the end goal... not necessarily happiness.

Sleep Like an Athlete:

I've got nothing to share here. Sleeping is like my favorite thing to do these days, but...

Alright, break over. Back to work.

Blogroll the Ninth

Happy 200th post to me! Maybe I'm finally running out of things to say.

Can't believe I only have one more workday - then it's off to Orlando for Star Wars weekend. In the meantime, here's what I read this week. To start, two random fun things:

• Find out what year your name was most popular. Nicole - super popular in NJ, especially around 1985.
• Even Disney princesses have to deal with being compared to each other. Although, I must agree that Mulan kicks ass.

Train Like an Athlete:

• Running: Surprise, it's good for you!
• 6 common race day fails - I may not hit my goal time, but at least I'm not guilty of doing any of these!
• How to recover appropriately.
• Practice being your future self.

Eat Like an Athlete: 

• Why some people (sadly, not me) can eat more carbs than others.
• I may very well spend the rest of my life sober.

Think Like an Athlete: 

• Turns out acts of kindness can reduce anxiety.
• I don't know. I do most of these things but my mood is all over the place. 
• Make more "net positive" decisions with the only 7 things you can control in life.
• Why sometimes practicing self-care isn't helpful for someone with anxiety
• I've mentioned it before, but pets are good for you.

Sleep Like an Athlete:

• How to get a good night's sleep.
• Women need more sleep than men.
• Late bedtimes - among everything else on this list, except commuting - are stressing me out.

Today's exercise: 3 mile run
M1: 15:13
M2: 16:01
M3: 15:54

Blogroll the eighth-ish

Just trying to maintain some normalcy during this marathon family visitation week. As an introvert, I'm just begging for some "me" time, but certainly happy to find a minute to eek out a blog post.

Read this quote somewhere this week:

"Life will make you a 'loser' over and over again for a reason, but you'll never know what that reason is if you give up."Alright then, sub-2 half marathon. What else do I need to possibly learn before I make you a reality?

Train Like an Athlete:

• Fitness truths nobody will tell you except for this guy.
• What happens to your body when you exercise. 
• So... I need to start planning races around my monthly cycle then? Lame.
• This just makes me smile. I don't anticipate ever participating in the Penn Relays at any age.
• Overdoing it ruined running for this athlete. Hope I'm not in the same boat.

Eat Like an Athlete:

• The Worst Diet Ever Invented - and here I thought I had been struggling with an eating disorder for a long time.
• Started taking Apple Cider Vinegar daily... will let you know how that works out.
• Apparently, you are supposed to eat the avocado pit. 

Think Like an Athlete:

• People think I'm "type B" and pretty laid-back because I can pretend to be really patient, but all of this applies.
• Anxiety: We are each our own devil.
• The evolution of anxiety: why we worry.
• So this is also why I make bad decisions.

Sleep Like an Athlete:

I've got nothing here today.

Today's Exercise: Unplanned rest.

Blogroll the... lost count

I have no good excuses for not writing today. Spelling my name N-i-c-o-L-A-Z-Y.

Train Like an Athlete:

• 10 Things Running Coaches Wish You Would Stop: 2, 3, 5, 6... guilty as charged.
• She vowed to quit marathons... and then found a healthy way to enjoy them again.
• Do these 4 things to become an expert at anything.

Eat Like an Athlete:

• Eat more, move less... have I heard this story somewhere else before?
• Non-scale victories: Not a secret that weight loss is a major goal of mine as carrying extra weight slows you down. But I ditched my scale a long time ago. 

Think Like an Athlete:

• What introverts wish extroverts understood about us. Not totally relevant to this category, just want you to know how *I* think.
• How to know for sure you are making a bad decision. Still gotta work on controlling those emotions...

Sleep Like an Athlete:

• Why early risers tend to be healthier: just don't lose sleep over it...
• ... but here's how you can make it through the day if you do.

Today's Exercise: Rest. But hit 400% of my step goal yesterday traipsing around Disney!

Blogroll the Sixth

Losing an hour + recuperating from business travel = I'm letting others write my blog for me again today.

This one didn't fit into any of my usual blogroll categories, but please watch it:

Think You Know What Someone With an Eating Disorder Looks Like? Think Again.

Train Like an Athlete:

• How to bounce back from a setback.
• 7 training tips for your first 13.1.
• How to prioritize your marathon training.

Think Like an Athlete:

• Ladies, embrace your "assets".
• Fake it 'til you make it.
• Accept that you'll never be the best - but don't let it stop you from trying.
• If you feel like you have it all - but still aren't happy - read this.

Eat Like an Athlete:

• What might happen if you drink a gallon of water a day.
• 10 surprising addictions - caffeine and chocolate made the list, but food in general didn't.
• Raising your basal body temp - no, children are still not in my future, but I am trying to help improve my metabolism.

Sleep Like an Athlete: (Appropriate for the end of DST)

• Tips for helping you sleep after we 'spring forward.'
• Sleep naked.
• This isn't really about sleep as much as it is about rest - the article suggests 7 ways to be more productive during downtime - but I don't know. Why can't downtime just be downtime?

Today's Exercise: 7ish mile "happy to be home" run:

M1: 16:24
M2: 16:58
M3: 16:43
M4: 16:27
M5: 17:08
M6: 17:38
M7: 17:48

Blogroll the Fifth

Remember that hot air balloon ride I was supposed to take in January? My husband and I had rescheduled it for today. We were up and out the door by 4:45, at the meetup spot with the balloonist by 5:30, waivers signed and good to head to the launch site by 6, and then on our way back home by 8.

Everything happened on schedule... except for the actual balloon ride.

Unexpected winds interrupted our plans. Boo.

Alright, that's not true. We'll try again in another month or so.

Anyway, here's another roundup of my favorite relevant things on the interwebs from this week:

Train Like an Athlete:

• Why some runs just suck.
• Should you be worried about your running form? I'm worried about mine!
• Building a running base - note this advocates a different approach from what I have been doing over the last few months.
• Are high levels of intense exercise damaging your heart?

Think Like an Athlete:

• What you should read based on your Zodiac sign. As a Leo, I'm supposed to read Gone with the Wind*, but I'd much rather be a Virgo.
• Moms and body image issues - Mom, don't read too much into this, just thought it was interesting.
• 14 free personality tests, including a few Emotional Intelligence (EQ) resources.
• Slideshow: 10 ways to stop stress.

Eat Like an Athlete:

• One person's story about how giving up alcohol for 30 days changed her. Even after my Whole 30 is over, I'm planning on staying dry until after the half marathon.
• Mindful eating as a weight-loss strategy. 
• Why people choose to go low carb - I can certainly share that I have better craving control eating the way that I do now.
• Foodie Bucket List: I'm lucky enough to say that I can check almost everything off on this list, except for South American fare. My opinion? Pho is worth the splurge, beignets are not (unless they can figure out a way for the powdered sugar to stay on the pastry and not get into my hair.)

Sleep Like an Athlete:

• Where does your state rank in terms of adequate sleep?
• 20 really good tips for sleeping better.
• Why evening routines are just as important as morning routines.

*Amazon Affiliate Link. This means that if you click a link to Amazon through my site and buy something, I may earn a commission. Much obliged.

Today's exercise: Rest

Blogroll the Fourth

11 miles yesterday left me a little more sore than I thought it would, so I took a break today. Gotta go help my mom figure out how to install a new TiVo tonight (yes, I'm pretty sure she's their only customer), so here's another roundup of all the stuff I thought was relevant this week.

Train Like an Athlete:

You have another shot at getting one of these medals...

• Disney re-opened registration for the Star Wars Dark Side Half. So now you have another opportunity to join and see me revel in sub 2:00 glory or wither under the crushing agony of defeat. 
• The running trifecta - more about food, training pace, and stress.
• To-do's if you are chained to a desk all day like me.
• Good advice from a first-time half-marathoner. Except for #5 - I ran my first half without any fuel, you can do it too.
• Why Some Runs Just Suck. Spoiler alert: Warming up and recovery are important.
• The Biggest 10k's in the country - I did the Inaugural Across the Bay 10k (#6 on the list) a few years ago, big thumbs up.
• 10 Tips for Becoming a Morning Exerciser - I made the transition from evening to morning training a few months ago and have less stress because of it. Hoping I can continue once Daylight Savings Time begins.

Think Like an Athlete:

• Why everything is my husband's fault. Not really.

Eat Like an Athlete:

• 9 Ways You're Sabotaging Your Weight-Loss - with a nod to getting enough sleep.
• And another article about losing weight that leads with the importance of getting sleep.
• Why having more fun may end my emotional eating problems.
• It's ok to eat the same thing every day - which is why you see a lot of eggs, chili, and tuna in my meal logs.

Sleep Like an Athlete:

• See what happens when you don't sleep.

54 days left.

Today's Exercise: Rest

Breakfast	Lunch	Snack	Dinner
3 Eggs w spinach, coffee	Chili w/ guac, TJ's Kraut	2 tbsp coconut butter, EPIC bison bites	chicken apple sausage, cauliflower, mint tea