Chemotherapy

With my first surgery complete, and the discovery that my lymph nodes were clear, my oncologist was finally able to give my cancer stage: 2A, which based on size of the lump and the fact that zero lymph nodes were impacted. It's conearly-stagely stage cancer, which is a relief, but wasn't going to exclude me from having to undergo chemotherapy. It's the only treatment available for triple-negative breast cancer, and starting chemo sooner rather than later gives you the best shot of achieving good outcomes.

I don't really know what that means for me, exactly. Given that my lymph nodes were clear and that I had a mastectomy, I'm not sure what they are expecting to find at the end of treatment. I'm still going to have to keep my fingers crossed that I won't have a recurrence - I understand the five-year mark is a good goal to reach, as it will be unlikely I will have a recurrence if it doesn't happen within five years. So... fingers crossed, I guess.

My oncologist described the chemotherapy regimen I'd be undertaking - eight rounds, spaced out every two weeks. The first four treatments would include adriamycin and cyclophosphamide, followed by four rounds of taxol. He also described the common side effects and when I could expect them:

1. Hair loss would begin within the first few days of treatment. I could expect to be completely bald within two to three weeks. 
2. Nausea and vomiting would be the worst two to three days after treatment. 
3. Constipation and fatigue would be ongoing.
4. Some patients also see weakening of the heart, called cardiomyopathy. 
5. Compromised immune system: Chemo doesn't differentiate between cancer cells and healthy cells, and knocks out your white blood cells, which are key in fighting infections.

So I would have to stay away from notoriously "germy" places like:

• Gyms
• Buffets
• Disney World

Guys, you know how much I love Disney, right? My annual pass expired in August - it's the first time I haven't renewed it since we moved down to Florida. And the months of October, November, and December are extra magical as Disney preps for the holidays, so I'm sad to be missing out.

I had also been planning on doing a Disney Halloween-themed cruise to Bermuda with some friends and family in October. Disney Cruises are my absolute favorite vacation, and I had been planning this particular trip with the family since June of 2017. Since the trip was planned for the time right in the middle of chemotherapy, I had to back out of it. Glad the rest of the family still went, though. Wouldn't want my cancer to get in the way of their fun. 

Anyway, as much as the side effects all sound like a blast, I forced myself to look forward to treatment. I understood time was of the essence. The only problem was that I had to be completely healed from my surgery before starting since chemo could interfere with the healing process and put me at increased risk of infection. 

So my oncologist and I set a tentative start date for chemo for August 16, about one month after surgery, to allow time for healing. My husband arranged to be home from work that week so that he could go to that appointment with me... and when the time came, we bravely marched over to the doctor's office together.

Only to have him take a look at my surgical scar and determine I wasn't ready to begin. He postponed treatment one more week, which was unfortunate because Ben would be back on the road for work. And again, I knew starting sooner rather than later was important.

But now that I know how much the side effects kick my butt, I guess I'm grateful that I didn't start on the 16th and got to enjoy my 38th birthday on August 20th pretending to be normal. 

T Minus Two Days

Not getting much sleep lately. Wonder why.

You can say you aren't going to worry about something until you know the facts, but knowing the fact the Atlantic's worst hurricane ever is possibly coming right for you is pretty worrisome.

Shooting Irma won't help.

But I was still slightly relieved by the fact most models predicted on Wednesday that Irma may head East, giving us on the Gulf Coast a fighting chance.

And then yesterday's predictions came out, and a friend of mine called it to my attention on Facebook:

Yeah. Everything shifted West. 

The biggest picture on top is the most horrendous scenario, because that puts Irma going right up the center of Florida. It also comes from the European Center for Medium-Range Weather Forecasts, which is considered to have the most accurate model for predicting hurricanes.

K. Am I scared? You're goddamn right I'm scared.

So it looks like it's coming right for us. BUT - another stroke of luck - what we thought might be cat 3 Irma has been downgraded to a cat 2 Irma by the time she gets to us. So 80 mile per hour winds then. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Anyway, I had sprint intervals on the agenda today, so since sleep wasn't happening and I had a little time before project "Help Husband Apply Hurricane Panels to Windows" started (and try to put in a full workday as well, because who knows what's going to happen next week), I decided to go complete my sprints around the lake near my house. You know, the same one with ducklings and otters and cute baby animals of all types. Speaking of ducklings, they're still there. A little older, of course, but not fully grown yet. I wonder how ducklings fare in 80+ mph wind?

But back to running... there was something particularly liberating about each one of those 30-second sprints I did this morning. Because when you are running your heart out, there's no chance to think about the what ifs. My mind was free from all of the planning and worrying and catastrophizing - it only had two priorities: A. breathe and B. get Nicole as far as possible as fast as possible. No room for any other thoughts.

Thoughts like... Will Disney World be ok?

And more importantly... Will my Mom's/Grams's house be ok?

They got the mandatory evacuation order yesterday afternoon. At first, they didn't get any other details except that evac was happening at 6 am on Friday, and panic ensued. They weren't exactly prepared to be ready that quickly, so my mom called me freaking out about everything that needed to be done. "Well... how long do you have to get out?" I asked her. It appears the city neglected to give them that information.

After doing a little research, I found out that, yes, evac began at 6 am this morning but at least they had until 8 am Sunday morning to get out (not that they should wait that long). However, what evac means is that if you don't have a special sticker on your car indicating you're a resident of the evac area, you can no longer get in. And a major part of their preparedness plan involved mine and Ben's help. So last night, we spent most of the evening doing what we could to help them get ready around their house.

And evacuated Grams's cat, Mittens, and 30 cans of soup to our house. Progress.

We also took one of their two minivans so that we could get back and forth to continue helping them tonight. Man, their two minivans have really come in handy this summer.

Anyway, I also learned we're expecting additional guests on Sunday. Our friends down the street live in a 100-year-old house. With a newborn baby, they didn't want to take any chances, so they are also coming with their dog to hang out when Irma arrives. Party on.

Between the painful process that is evacuating my family, prepping their house for what might be its ultimate end, and making last minute preparations for our own house to keep everyone safe, I'm not sure how much time I'll have in the next day.

5 pm update. Irma shifted West again. Awesome.

So I guess this is it. You probably won't be hearing from me again.




This weekend. I meant you won't be hearing from me again this weekend.

Running Recap

Alright, running friends. What do you do when you wake up bright and early on a Saturday morning for your weekly long run and find with dismay that you've let the battery die in your trusty Garmin?

Well, the first thing I did was put a reminder in my iPhone for every Friday night going forward to check my watch battery. I'm not letting that happen again.

And then I laced up and ran out the door anyway. I figured I'd been given a gift - a non-rainy Saturday morning where I otherwise felt great couldn't be wasted. St. Pete Run Fest will be here before I know it, so I figured I'd train using Rate of Perceived Exertion. But using RPE doesn't always work out for me when trying to stay in my target heart rate, and it certainly didn't help that it quickly got to be hotter than balls by 8am.

Call the police and the firemen. 

Ah well. Still glad I got out there... because I finally solved a mystery that has been bothering me for almost a year now. At this time last year, I ran into some kind of race happening put on by the Florida Ultra Runners but could find no mention of what they were up to online. So when I saw them again this weekend, I worked up the nerve to actually ask one of the runners what was going on.

The event was something called the "Durty(sp) Beer Run," an annual 6-hour run that takes place along a 3 mile-ish loop in downtown St. Pete from 6am to 12 noon. St. Pete is pretty packed with microbreweries, so I suppose it makes a good destination for that kind of run but... no thanks, I'll pass. It was 8 million degrees on Saturday. I'm only slightly exaggerating. I wonder how many people died that day.

Yet that wasn't the only event taking place on Saturday! They were also setting up for something called the Great Brain Wash, which looked much more appealing. This 5k included inflatable obstacles that were similar to giant slip-n-slides, and the race supported brain tumor research. I would have totally crashed the course, but they hadn't started yet, so I just walked my sweaty self home.

My Disney Annual Passes came out of blockout this week, so my husband and I went back to Animal Kingdom yesterday for the first time in over two months.

When our Disney Annual Passes come out of blockout, Ben and I be like...

Also, still going strong with my puritanical devotion to healthy eating, having no difficulty navigating a day at Disney yesterday food-wise whatsoever. I will share that I have begun picking up tracking my food in MyFitnessPal again, because I do believe I may be falling into the trap of undereating. I would rather err on the side of having a little bit more food than I need right now to kill any future possible binge urges while I've got the support of medication on my side, rather than be sucked back into the same dangerous cycle the minute I stop meds. Like I said in my initial post on the subject, it's all about developing the right habits for me right now.

Fairy Dust

It was an awesome weekend for Disney Geeks everywhere with all of the news coming out of the D23 expo. I really don't know what to be most excited about right now. The "news" about the name of the Star Wars themed lands wasn't that revealing, and I had already heard rumors about the immersive Star Wars hotel, so I may have to go with either Shanghai Disney's "Tron" ride coming to Disney World, or the addition of three more ships to Disney Cruise Line's fleet.

Damn it, Disney. Thanks for providing a few more reasons to give you my life's savings. Here's hoping you take care of me in retirement. 

That reminds me, I need to add "Attend D23" to my bucket list. If you missed any of the big D23 announcements from this weekend, you can get the recap here. 

The only thing I was disappointed about was that there was no news about the Tinkerbell Half Marathon at Disneyland. 2018 was going to be my year to earn the pink Coast to Coast challenge medal from Disney, but I can't do that without running Tink... so here's hoping it's actually happening. 

Things have returned to normal-ish here, sort of. The patio crew cleaned up their mess, only... they didn't finish the project. They didn't do a portion of the project that was clearly outlined in the quote, and fixing their mistake is going to mean they have to destroy some of their previous work. So they are going to have to come back with their drills and saws and other noisy tools and make another dusty mess. You can see I'm clearly looking forward to this. 

In the meantime, though, I've been doing pretty well with food and exercise. I have not run in over a week, but am otherwise getting to the gym daily. I had two more check-in appointments with Dr. Livingston to keep up my progress with Never Binge Again. And as I mentioned last week, I had an appointment with a new doctor last Thursday to see if I could replace Dr. Paleo. 

That appointment didn't go so well. I'll save that update for another day, though. 

I am very much looking forward to a mini-vacay this week. One of my best friends is heading down here from Minnesota to celebrate her 40th birthday with me at Universal Studios. Because the best way to turn 40 is to chug Butterbeers, get fitted for robes, and ride the Hogwarts Express, obviously. 

Tranquil as a Forest

But on fire within.
Once you find your center you are sure to win!

Sorry everyone, I added this song to my running playlist to start channeling my favorite Disney Princess (Mulan) for next year's Princess Half and now it's stuck in my head.

Most people peg me for a Belle. I may be a brunette and I may like to read books, but I'd much rather go to war and fight for my father than remain someone's captive for him.

Speaking of my father, I blame him for getting me hooked on Dancing with the Stars. It's a guilty pleasure, I'm ashamed to admit. But I spent so much time with him over the last year that I learned it's one of his favorite shows. I think he really loved watching it with my stepmother, who was a dance teacher in her earlier years.

So when Normani Kordei did this on "Disney Night" on DWTS, it made me immediately want to learn the Paso Doble.




They even pulled Donny Osmond out from wherever he's been hiding to come sing the song again! Great choice of character + awesome dancing + fantastic singing... a formula that earned her a perfect 10 from all of the judges, and I hope she wins the whole contest (even though I had never heard of her before watching the show).

Disney is filming a live-action Mulan to be released late in 2018, but sadly it's a non-musical. How could they redo this movie and not include this song??

I realize today's ramblings have nothing to do with running or eating or being healthy. I just wanted to give some background if you happen to see me walking around singing "Be a Man" to myself so that you don't have to worry about engaging me in an awkward conversation about my gender identity.

Episode 3: Return of the Blog

I'm a glutton for punishment.

Running and I are still not friends. But the Princess Half Marathon is on my bucket list, and next year is the 10th anniversary of the race, which means it's going to be a pretty big deal. It's also the 5th anniversary of the Fairy Tale Challenge. I can never sign up for just one race knowing doing two in a row gets you an awesome third medal.

I'm still mad at Running, though. Waiting for my apology. You've got a little time to think it over, Running, because the race isn't until next February. But you should know that this means I'm going to do whatever is in my power to also register for the Tinkerbell Half Marathon at Disneyland next May so that I can get the pink Coast to Coast challenge medal. So... you better start kissing up to me real fast.

Not a lot has happened since I shut down in January. My new project didn't take off the way I had hoped it might, although I did win a short story contest last week which gave me renewed hope in my writing ability. There's skill there when I really want there to be. But I have no expectation of Running this half marathon in under two hours. I've been sick for most of the month of April. Not like confined-to-bed sick, just lousy enough that it ruins any motivation I have to workout. Once my current cold clears up, I will still train as if I am aiming for sub-two, but there's a decent shot I'll be Running the Princess Half with a few friends of varied ability. I'll know more on Tuesday when general registration opens for the race.

Oh, I got to register early because I have a Walt Disney World Annual Pass. /bragging. But man, the process was super stressful today. The Annual Passholder site wasn't linking correctly to the registration page. And there is only a limited number of early registration slots, so when it didn't work, I got really agitated and immediately called runDisney. They tried to walk me through different options for 45 minutes (clear cookies, try typing in this URL, are you SURE you logged into your MyDisneyExperience account, etc.). I tried it on three different computers - my work laptop, my personal laptop, and my husband's laptop - to no avail. Finally, the customer service associate was informed that the link was broken (thank you, Captain Obvious), and asked me to try to register again in 30 minutes.

A brief moment of clarity came over me when I hung up the phone and I remembered I had bookmarked the early registration website after I had registered for the Infinity Gauntlet Challenge last year. My bookmark worked! Registration complete. Thank goodness, because as of 2 hours after registration opened, the Passholder website still wasn't updated, and the early registration slots for the Fairy Tale Challenge appeared to be sold out. After perusing the runDisney Facebook page, I saw the rumor that the early registration sites were up for Disneyland Annual Passholders and Disney Vacation Club Members, which is quite the scandal for Disney if this is true. Disney's gain from blocking out WDW Passholders: Disneyland Passholders will have to spend more money for park tickets and hotels, and DVC members have already promised their first borns to Disney to pay for their membership. And it's not like anybody at the call center was telling callers what the actual registration link was - they were just redirecting us back to the site with the broken link. Whether this was intentional or not, a lot of WDW Passholders were left out of registration, and are really unhappy. I would hope they'd offer another shot to their most loyal customers, but more than likely, they'll have to register on Tuesday with everyone else. And it's going to be tough... this is Disney's most popular race, and to be the 10th anniversary makes it even a bigger draw!

But I've got my spot and I'm committed. So it's time to change the rules to ensure I've got a better shot at improving - no more backsliding. After all, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results = insanity. Here are my new rules:

• I eat what I want. (Granted, what I usually want has changed very recently.)
• I exercise how I want. (This includes walking, jogging, speedwork, crossfit, and spin class.)
• I write when I want. (No more compulsive daily posts.)  

Sound good? Good.

All Wings Report In

The last two weeks were even worse than I thought they might be. Gum surgery is the stuff nightmares are made of.

Disney Marathon weekend is wrapping up. A few of my college friends had registered for the half marathon, while a few others I know were doing every race to complete the Dopey Challenge. My husband and I fully intended on getting up at 3:30am yesterday to go hold up ridiculous posters and cheer them on, but threats of lightning storms Saturday morning forced Disney to cancel the half.

Disney offered a lot of very nice options for the poor runners who had to miss out, but my heart really goes out to the Dopey Challengers. While I am fairly certain they still get the Dopey Challenge medal for completing the other races this week, people who voluntarily sign up for that kind of grueling torture aren't looking for an easy way out. No, they want the bragging rights. The lost toenails. The hero story. At least, that's what I'll be looking for when I eventually knock it off my bucket list.

Except I was reminded today that Disney Marathon weekend is held during the two days of  actual winter Florida has each year. Might need to rethink this one.

Besides, I'm coming up on the two month-iversary since I quit running, with no plans to pick it up in the foreseeable future. I do have big plans to make a significant investment in my health in the coming weeks, though. I am meeting this week with a few different so-called experts (I'll be the judge, thankyouverymuch), and my only concrete goal right now is to not enter the world of debt while trying to get my act together.

I also have big plans for my professional life and need to focus my writing energy elsewhere. So I'll be putting this blog on hiatus until two things happen:

1. My new project launches.
2. I feel like I might be able to run a sub 2 half.  

Please stand by.

Reboot

Two months ago, I retired.

But it turns out I have more to say. So let's just hit ctrl alt del on this and give it a restart, shall we?

8 days ago, I ran another half marathon during Super Heroes weekend at Disneyland.

No, I didn't run it in under 2 hours. I'd love to tell you exactly what happened, but I'm pretty sure Disney would never let me run another race again, so my lips are sealed.

I did add 4 more race medals to my collection, so that was cool.

Running is kind of supposed to be over for me now. Except... I'm addicted.

It's not enough for me to have a Coast to Coast challenge medal... I gotta have the special pink edition Coast to Coast medal for running both the Princess and Tinkerbell half marathons in the same calendar year.

While in CA, I also learned about the "Castle to Chateau" medal one can earn by running a half marathon at one of the U.S. Disney parks and a second half marathon at Disneyland Paris.

Must... have... all... the... medals.

Just not necessarily in 2017.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure nobody's listening anymore, but whaddya say... give me another chance?

When You're the Villain in Your Own Story

When I was seeing a therapist about my eating disorder, she tried to help me recognize "triggers" - events in my day that would inevitably lead to a binge. The problem was that binge eating was such a habitual occurrence for me, anything could really have been labeled as a trigger. Sad? Binge. Happy? Binge. Stressed? Binge.

Yes, emotional eating is a thing that some people like myself need to control. But I think looking for a specific trigger in order to avoid or negate it is flawed logic when everything can be a so-called trigger.

I can, however, recognize triggers that send my mood spiraling downward, resulting in outbursts of despondency much like I had yesterday. Long-time followers of the blog have probably recognized patterns of general contentment followed by majorly low lows. When I go back and read some of my own writing, I myself am like "Wow, this person sounds like she needs an intervention."

SO new goal... try to minimize my exposure to these triggers, but recognize them when they occur and don't jump to "end of the world" thinking.

Yes, I have a lot of work to do on myself. Didn't I just acknowledge that last week? Twenty-two years of treating my body like shit isn't going to be reversed overnight.

This same podcast that had me all bent out of shape yesterday reminded me that it could take some time through trial and error to figure out the right dosage of thyroid meds to get me running optimally. The only way I'll know for sure what's going on is to go back for some additional blood testing now that I've been on the meds for a while - something I knew I'd have to do again, but have been putting off because, well, I'm a wimp.

And we'll see where it goes. If no improvement, then I'll know I may need to try not exercising for a while, but that's not something I need to worry about right this instant. Quitting running isn't an option for me right now since I still have a half marathon coming up in November. If I'm still struggling after the Avengers Half, then we'll try changing it up.

I just have a lot more work to do than most in order to be able to go the distance..

Running 101

This morning, I attended Running 101 at my local running store, St. Pete Running Company. My foot is feeling a little better since the Dark Side Half Marathon, and I do not want to ever deal with another stress fracture in my life again. So, time to work on form.

Non-runners probably raise eyebrows when I tell them I paid $10 for a running class. I've been running for 10+ years now, so what could I possibly learn from a "Running 101?" class. My husband said to me "What did they teach you? Put one foot in front of the other? Move forward?" I stuck my tongue out at him.

I probably never would have attended Running 101 had I not just been sidelined by an injury for 2+ months. I think there were about 30 people in the class, so I'm not the only crazy one that thinks she needs to learn how to run.

Our coach, Cody, was pretty awesome. He explained everything with appropriate visuals so that I won't forget next time I train. He helped us determine proper hip placement by first having us exaggerate our hips backward (a la Donald Duck - a problem for runners who otherwise sit on their butt at a computer all day like me), and then forward (think Steve Urkel, for those of you who are old enough to know who that is). Perfect hip placement is somewhere right in the middle - where you could hold a credit card in your butt crack and not lose it. His explanation, not mine... but it totally works though! We talked cadence, stride length, and foot strike, and had a chance to put it all into practice.

One thing he acknowledged was that it's easy to do these things when you are going slow, but it all kind of falls apart when you speed up. When I start going faster, I should try scraping my foot against the pavement (as if trying to get gum off my shoe) to activate the glutes more instead of my calves or hammies. And, I know I'm doing it right when I could run and read a magazine. (Not literally read a magazine, of course - he just means my head should be stable enough that I could read one if it was there).

He talked about breathing and ended with some stability exercises I can do while brushing my teeth every night. (Standing on one leg. Simple as that.) And we all got $10 gift certificates to use at the store, so it was almost like the class was free. I love free!

I can't wait to put what I learned into practice again, but it may have to wait a few days. Spin class with my mom tomorrow. Crossfit on Monday. Wednesday run I'm guessing?

It was my fourth anniversary this week, so my husband and I are celebrating how we know best - a trip to Disney, of course. Maybe I'll get to be the rebel spy today. If you eat, sleep, and breathe Disney, you know what I'm talking about:

I Need a Hero

I'm holding out for a hero 'til the end of the night
He's gotta be strong
And he's gotta be fast...

Ok, I've been listening to way too much "Eye of the Tiger" radio on Pandora for the last 48 hours. It runs through the same 15 songs over and over again, but it's just too perfect for cleaning, patching holes, sanding, painting, etc. with my mom.

I hate this type of housework by the way. Seriously, I'd live in a cave if it was socially acceptable. It would be a really clean cave, because I don't mind the cleaning so much, but painting and yard work? No thanks.

My weekend hasn't been all work and no play, though. I did go see X-Men: Apocalypse (the non-Disney Marvel movie because, for some reason I can't understand, Disney does not own them... yet). 

And speaking of heroes... move over, Ant-Man. This guy's my new favorite:

That's Quicksilver. Now, when it comes to X-Men, I've always been partial to Domino (long story for another time... probably never because most of my audience for this blog isn't going to care), but she's never in any of the freaking movies. Quicksilver has been in the last two, and he runs really fast. So he rocks.

I wanted to find out more about the actor who plays him, except when I asked Google about Quicksilver, I also got this guy:

Hang on... that's Quicksilver from Age of Ultron, last year's Marvel Avengers movie. (Spoilers forthcoming).

The Marvel Universe isn't big enough for two Quicksilvers, is it? Are you telling me that guy is the same character as:

What?!!!

Yes. He exists in both the Avengers world and the X-Men world.

Mind. Blown.

How am I supposed to choose? Can they both be my favorite? Hmmm...

Ok, this guy is Disney. So he should win, right? Well, just a sec...

Even though X-Men's Quicksilver is not Disney, he's actually a good guy in both Days of Future Past and Apocalypse...

Whereas Age of Ultron's Quicksilver is on the side of evil for most of the movie.

But he did defeat McLovin' in Kick-Ass. 

Er. Hang on, Nicole. Let's just stick with Marvel movies, mmkay?  

Alright... but just sticking with Kick-Ass for a second...

YES!!! They were both in Kick-Ass.

I can't handle all of this crossover. My head is going to explode. Ok, back to X-Men.

So X-Men's Quicksilver is Magneto's son. That can't be a good thing, right?

But Age of Ultron's Quicksilver kind of... dies... at the end. So doesn't leave me much to look forward to, right?


Winner:

Like I said before: Always go with the guy who makes you laugh.

Back in the Game

I've had about as stressful a week as it gets with work. And remember... I work from home, so you know it's gotta be real bad if work is getting to me.

And next week's not looking much better.

I just feel like it's one "ugly" thing after another for me. Death in the family. Sidelined by an injury. Not actually meeting the goal I set when I began this blog. And now feeling stifled by a job I used to love.

Things are very different for me now than they were just two months ago.

Come on, man. I know life is better than this.

So this weekend has been all about fun for me.

1. I went to an NHL Playoff game (first time ever!) between the Tampa Bay Lightning and the Pittsburgh Penguins last night. And last night was intense, but ended with a victory for my Bolts. (Sorry, extended family. I know most of you are Penguins fans but I didn't grow up watching hockey, and I've had a ton of fun going to Lightning games this season. So I've gotta claim them as my team.)
2. I went back to Crossfit for the first time since August today. I was an avid crossfitter in 2014 but found myself injured every other month, which didn't play well with my 5k, 10k, and half marathon race schedule that year. So I dropped it for a while. I had a blast this morning, and am still riding the biggest thrill - that my poor injured right foot actually put up with it. It's a good sign that I may actually be able to pick up running again this week! I'll share more about crossfit in a future post, but it felt good to be back in the game.
3. I went to Star Wars day at the Replay Amusement Museum, a local arcade where you pay one fee to get in, and all of the pinball machines and arcade games are on free play. I like pinball well enough, but I love all of the old school 80's arcade games. Particularly this one:



He wouldn't let me play, though. Think Vader would approve of a stormtrooper playing a Return of the Jedi machine?



4. I'm going back to Disney tomorrow. First time in over a month. I feel like I'm returning to the scene of a crime. But I don't think it's going to take much for Disney and I to be friends again. Maybe just one drop from the Tower of Terror.

It feels good to be "me" again.

Today's exercise: Crossfit "Team Wod" - 200 m relay, 100 pwr cleans, 100 pullups (yeah right... ring rows), 100 s2oh, 200 m relay.

Next steps... or lack thereof.

It's been exactly four weeks since the Dark Side Half, and the only thing I've done at this point to prepare for the Avengers Half Marathon is to watch the latest Captain America movie.

And the only thing that's really done is reinforced how much I love Ant-Man.

I do enjoy me some Marvel movies. Not as much as Star Wars, of course, but pretty dang close. I blame Disney.

The Marvel/Disney relationship is a strange one. X-Men comes out later this month, to which I wondered Disney's strategy for releasing two Marvel movies at practically the same time. After doing some research, I learned Disney doesn't actually own the X-Men.

Which makes sense to me now, because I knew there was no way that a family-oriented franchise like Disney could have been involved with Deadpool.

And I also knew that Disney doesn't own Spider-Man... yet Spider-Man makes an appearance in the new Captain America movie.

And, unlike the thirty other Spider-Man movies, I actually like this Spider-Man.

Ok, you see right through what I'm doing here. I'm rambling all things Marvel now in order to avoid the topic of my still injured foot and my inability to run. I did finally get off my ass to go to spin class with my mother this morning. It's been ages since I did that, and it didn't hurt my foot so much.

Given how long it's taking to heal, I'm going to assume I must have a stress fracture.

I finally picked a local doctor here in Florida, and have my first appointment tomorrow. I actually had made the appointment to speak with him about other things, but hopefully he can get to my foot too.

New Rankings

I have to change my half marathon rankings, last shared in October 2015. Now that I have a 5th one under my belt, where does the Star Wars Dark Side Half Marathon fit in?

Dead. Freakin. Last.

5: Star Wars Dark Side Challenge: Orlando, FL

I expended a ton of physical and emotional energy in trying to assure this race would be my best yet, only to end up with my worst time. And an injury that still has me sidelined 3 weeks later. I also realized that the Disney World races are just not as cool as the Disneyland races. Disney World is so big that in order to get you from the start to the finish in 13.1 miles, you get to spend very little race time in each of the parks - most of the course is on overpasses in between the parks. Disneyland is small enough that you get to spend significant race time in the parks, AND the city of Anaheim participates in a big way too (see #1 below).

And all of mile 11 was uphill. Not cool, Disney.

Like I said before, I hate the Dark Side. At least I know - no matter what happens at the Super Heroes Half at Disneyland in November - it will be better than the Dark Side Half.

And here are the rest, copied from the post I linked to above:

4: Rock and Roll Half: Philadelphia, PA
My time of 2:02 was decent enough, but I was so freaking bored. This race had no loops or clover leafs, and city roads were closed off, which made it impossible for race supporters to cheer you on. It was great to see my husband at mile 3-ish, but I really could have used a familiar face around miles 10-12. There was also a killer hill at the end. Dislike.

3: Wine and Dine Half: Orlando, FL
The Wine and Dine Half was awesome not so much for the race itself, but for the incredible after-party. The ability to take over Epcot until the wee hours of the morning (4am) made it all worthwhile, and got me thinking I might even be able to do a full marathon if it was at Disney. It's not that the run was awful, but there were a lot of boring stretches on overpasses. I didn't have my iPod with me, so the lack of music made this even more difficult. This race holds my second worst record.

2: Unite Half Marathon: Piscataway, NJ
This was my first half marathon - decently priced, close to home, and had a great course that clover-leafed around the starting line so I had lots of spectator support throughout the race (thanks to my father and stepmother). My family also were easily able to get to the finish line through some back roads. This race gets a bump too because it holds my best record.

1: Star Wars Half Marathon: Anaheim, CA
Shocking, right? The thing about races at Disneyland is that it's a much smaller resort than Disney World - so at the end of mile 6, you are out of the parks and into the streets of wonderful Anaheim, CA. Yet the entertainment gets even better once you are out of the park. Local bands and high schools line the streets along with members of the 501st. I also enjoy the fact that one week after the race, I randomly found a Star Wars Highlights Go Pro on You Tube - and found myself at min 2:24 (Yup, I'm the one in the long sleeves wearing my favorite headband):

The good

I've gotten the bad and the ugly out of the way. Back to regularly scheduled programming.


Even though I have to live the rest of my life with a new worst half marathon record, I can’t say I didn’t have fun during the Dark Side Challenge. So here are the non-running related highlights. Some of these photos are going to be Disney watermarked, but #sorrynotsorry... not paying an arm and a leg for really unflattering photos of me.


Tangent: Anybody else think it should be a crime to take photos of people running a half marathon? I mean come on. Really.

• Running with my husband: It’s so rare that I run with him. I’m much too competitive. We stopped for photos at a few of the mile markers, and hammed it up as much as we could for the course photographers. I think he appreciated having the company, except when he’d suggest a walk break and I’d push him to run just a little farther than he wanted.

At Mile 2 during the 10k

• Disney's attention to detail: Even the mile markers were way fun, although I think they really had to reach for 13 villains to display for the half marathon.

We will finish what we started.

• The costumes: I could probably dedicate an entire post to this. In fact, I will at some point.
• Meeting Phasma… I’m convinced Gwendoline Christie was in this suit. And if it wasn’t really her, this WDW character should get a pay raise. Spot on.

I'm a little short for a stormtrooper.

• …and Darth Vader. The original baddie. Space Lord Voldemort.

This will definitely make an appearance as our family Christmas card in the future.

I have a few running related highlights, but saving those for another day.

Blogroll the Ninth

Happy 200th post to me! Maybe I'm finally running out of things to say.

Can't believe I only have one more workday - then it's off to Orlando for Star Wars weekend. In the meantime, here's what I read this week. To start, two random fun things:

• Find out what year your name was most popular. Nicole - super popular in NJ, especially around 1985.
• Even Disney princesses have to deal with being compared to each other. Although, I must agree that Mulan kicks ass.

Train Like an Athlete:

• Running: Surprise, it's good for you!
• 6 common race day fails - I may not hit my goal time, but at least I'm not guilty of doing any of these!
• How to recover appropriately.
• Practice being your future self.

Eat Like an Athlete: 

• Why some people (sadly, not me) can eat more carbs than others.
• I may very well spend the rest of my life sober.

Think Like an Athlete: 

• Turns out acts of kindness can reduce anxiety.
• I don't know. I do most of these things but my mood is all over the place. 
• Make more "net positive" decisions with the only 7 things you can control in life.
• Why sometimes practicing self-care isn't helpful for someone with anxiety
• I've mentioned it before, but pets are good for you.

Sleep Like an Athlete:

• How to get a good night's sleep.
• Women need more sleep than men.
• Late bedtimes - among everything else on this list, except commuting - are stressing me out.

Today's exercise: 3 mile run
M1: 15:13
M2: 16:01
M3: 15:54

Empress Nicole the Passive-Aggressive

Greetings to those newcomers who have found me during my three minutes of reign at Sensible Castle. I shall reward you greatly for following the royal decrees of the kingdom...

...ah, too late. My reign is over. Maybe the next king will get you something nice. Don't hold your breath.

Sorry, friend, but you're like Chewbacca. Everyone gets a medal but you.

Let me summarize almost six months exactly of daily blogging here:

• I run. Not very well.
• I set a goal for myself for next month's Star Wars half marathon at Disney World. It's clear that I'm not going to achieve that goal.
• I have, however, started working with a coach and made significant strides forward in my mental and physical health.

So if you are someone who also struggles meeting your goals, battles mental health issues, or loves running/Star Wars/Disney/anything geeky, feel free to click one of those little "follow" buttons at right (if you aren't on a mobile device) to get some updates. And leave me a comment or shoot me an email, would love to hear what you are up to.

And for those loyal few that are already up to speed, thanks for stopping by. Here's a sort of description of what Sensible castle is, but really only Cards Against Humanity players *get* it. 

Nothing new to update today, but will be back to running tomorrow.

Today's exercise: Rest

I do have my moments. Not many, but I do.

Cinderella's Royal Table at Disney last night was a good once-in-a-lifetime experience. But if you're 1/2 of a childless couple in your mid-30's, probably best to find a reservation elsewhere and let the kiddos take your table.

I learned character dining is not really for me. Especially princess dining (and no, Leia wasn't there). I certainly appreciated the offers from Cinderella, Snow White, Rapunzel, Ariel, and Aurora to take photos with me, but ladies, I don't need souvenirs that will remind me of my personal shortcomings for the rest of my life. The princesses are all very sweet and are amazingly good at small talk - even so, when you've had five rounds of princesses swinging by your table, you just want to be like "Hey, Sleeping Beauty, if you could just go back to sleep and let me eat my dinner, that would be awesome."

I also learned that Ariel is a pretty normal sized mermaid. There's nothing little about her.

Recommendation for Disney: wait to give my husband toys until after dinner is served, or else stuff like this happens:

I got a wand, which is way cooler because now I can magic my way to a sub 2:00 half marathon. 

I will say this, though -  it's amazing what a night at Disney does for my mood. We saw two marriage proposals at CRT (aww), the food was good, and we got to hit the three best rides in the park - Space Mountain, Thunder Mountain Railroad, and Splash Mountain (obviously, it's not a good ride unless it has "mountain" in the title).

My husband and I also invented a new park game for us to play. Our go-to game has been Park Scavenger Hunt. I'll usually set the initial find for the day - things like "child wearing Yoda t-shirt" or "someone using a scooter who really obviously doesn't need it" and the first person to find someone meeting that description wins. Then the winner gets to pick the next find of the day.

Last night, we challenged each other to find the most people wearing Disney Birthday buttons and say "Happy Birthday" to them. I won with a score of two... usually, every other person at the park is wearing a Birthday button, so I'm not sure where they were all at yesterday. But it did give us an idea for a future game to play - we're each going to wear Birthday buttons next time we go and see who gets the most "Happy Birthdays" from random strangers (park employees do not count!)

I had fun. And that was my goal for 2016 - to have more fun.

And - with the move and all of the stress that comes with it - fun has been severely lacking in the last two weeks.

So I'm happy today. A better mood today allows me to recognize just how whiny I've been over the last week. I had forgotten that the way I'm training now is a means to an end, not the end itself, and just because I'm running 15+ minute miles now does not mean I'll be doing so at the race in two months. I looked back through my logs and see that I'm at week 11 of the 12-week aerobic base building phase, which means I get to start throwing in a faster run in another week.

Plus, I'm reminded that the race is still two months away - that's still a pretty significant chunk of time to improve.

61 days left.

Today's Exercise: 10 miles:

M1: 14:51
M2: 15:29
M3: 15:36
M4: 15:53
M5: 15:46
M6: 15:32
M7: 15:50
M8: 16:01
M9: 15:46
M10: 16:11

Breakfast	Lunch	Snack	Dinner
3 eggs with spinach, BP mocha (just add cocoa!)	Grilled chicken salad	2 HB eggs, pumpkin seeds	Beef, spinach