Garmin Piece of Junk

The last time I ran was the Disney Princess Half Marathon in February. That would also be the last time I wore my Garmin Forerunner 230, the "trusty" running watch I got for myself shortly after I decided to take up heart rate training in 2015.

Man, has the watch been a disappointment this year. The day before the Princess 10k, I put my watch on and the little band that holds the excess watch strap broke. Luckily, I was able to improvise using a Disney Annual Passholder 2014 band decoration for the race.

But then I quit running after that race. I'm not really sure if I'll ever be able to take it up again because I'm just so freaking uncomfortable right now. I have tissue expanders in the place where my left breast used to be. My plastic surgeon and breast surgeon operated on me the same day back in July - the whole procedure, which I refer to as "demolition" and "reconstruction," took about six hours. Apparently, I had to be intubated and was given a catheter. Anesthesia is a wonderful, wonderful thing.

So since July, I've had the tissue expanders in place, and have had to go for a few "fillings." This will create space for the plastic surgeon to give me an implant after I'm finished with chemotherapy. You can imagine this is not a very "comfortable" process.

I don't know if running will ever be a part of my life again. The TE is extremely awkward, and I just generally don't feel good most days while on chemotherapy, so running is right out. I also need to avoid gyms and other places that are germ breeding grounds since my immune system is compromised.

While I'll be able to go back to the gym after chemotherapy is over, I doubt I'm going to feel any more comfortable and excited about running after having an implant.

Meanwhile, I can't just sit around and be inactive, even during this trying experience that is going through chemotherapy. So I've been trying to get at least a walk in daily, and I was reminded yesterday that my Garmin could keep track of my step count. I thought it might be best for me to try to get 10k steps in every day.

So I charged up my watch, put it on, and then this happened:

Cheap watch strap snapped right in half. You can also see the Disney Passholder charm I was using to hold it together before this happened. 

I just can't catch a break. Going to see if I can buy a replacement watch strap now.

The end of my career

Fast forward three weeks to Monday, October 2. I booted up my work laptop from home, as I had done every Monday morning since becoming a full-time remote employee, and was greeted with an instant message from my co-worker in Michigan. "Something bad is happening," she said, and named a few of my peers that had been pulled into meetings with human resources that morning. "And they just took Mike."

I froze. Mike held the same job title as me. If he was being let go, it meant I was next.

"God, I hope I am wrong and they aren't laying off everybody," came her next message.

I went about my own business for the next twenty minutes until I saw Mike's green light appear on his instant messenger. I wrote him a quick note - "I understand today is a bad day. Got a sec to talk?" He said yes and I gave him a call.

He confirmed the bad news - that his position was eliminated effective end of year. "They shared 40 other people are being let go due to a reorganization," he said. "I don't know who they are, they just gave me a sheet of job grades and ages (a requirement to prove nondiscrimination, I guess), so you may still be safe," he shared.

But as he finished that exact sentence, an incoming call came in. "I gotta go," I said to Mike. "It's them..." He wished me luck and I clicked over to the other line to hear from a director I barely knew and an HR rep I didn't know at all that my position was being eliminated come end of the year.

I barely heard the details of my terms of severance. All I could think about was how long I had served this company, how stupid they were to get rid of someone like me with so much institutional knowledge, how I might never find another job here in Florida, at least not one that paid what I needed to earn and allowed me to still work from home full time. And how cruel could they be to do this to someone who just went through the scariest thing in her life at that point in Hurricane Irma?

Over the next three months, I went through every emotion that comes with loss. I was furious. I was in denial, thinking something was going to change and they'd see how much they needed me. At times, I was relieved to be getting out... thinking about those who had managed to keep their jobs but were somehow going to have to figure out how to do the work of 40 people that had just been let go. But mostly, I was sad to think that this chapter of my life was ending, and my time with an employer that I loved... even though I didn't always love the job... was ending.

I began applying for a few jobs half-heartedly, focusing my search on positions that allowed remote work arrangements. I also applied for a new job that had been created as a result of the reorganization with my company, but was notified on Christmas Eve that I didn't get it. The fact that they dragged the interviews out from October through November and then didn't notify me until Christmas Eve... what a holiday gift, eh? It's hard to this day to forgive how they treated me during that time.

December 29th came faster than I was ready for, and I found myself packing up my computer equipment and shipping it back to the company. And then 2018 came, and I found myself - for the first time ever - facing unemployment.

The job search was... painful. As an introvert, networking and interviews drain the heck out of me, yet that became my daily life. I thought - without work weighing me down - I might actually be able to focus on health and running (remember, I had signed up for the Princess Half Marathon last year thinking I was going to be able to get the pink coast-to-coast challenge medal, but we know that didn't work out as planned), but I didn't get anywhere closer to meeting my health goals during that time.

In all those months of searching, I did manage to earn one job offer in March - for 30% less than I was making at my former employer, and no chance of a work-from-home arrangement. I couldn't sleep that night after the offer, dreading saying "yes" but fearing that I'd be losing out on the only opportunity I'd ever have for gainful employment again. But something in my gut told me it wasn't right, and I spent all night "upping my game" so to speak. I created a personal resume website, and immediately started looking for jobs that I knew would pay me what I'm worth and give me a chance to work at home again. I went to my old employer's website, and found a posting on one of the old teams I used to work for. Sure, it wasn't a marketing job, but it had a great shot of giving me the right salary and would be a full-time remote job. I sent an email at 4:43am to an old colleague of mine asking for some inside info on the job, and applied the next day.

I then politely declined the offer I had received, butterflies floating in my stomach the entire time, worrying I was blowing my one shot for decent work. I know today that was the right choice... because within one month, I was given the offer for the job I had applied to with my former employer.

And, just like Irma, one of the scariest moments in my life had finally had some closure with a very happy ending. But two weeks after I started my new job, I received my cancer diagnosis. It seemed like I was only picked up just to be knocked flat on my face once again.

Squirrel Hero

You know how you take a day and a half off of work to enjoy your birthday and view an eclipse, and then return to work to find that everything has become a big shit storm and you find yourself working all the hours you missed - and then some - to make up for it? No?

Ah well, South Carolina was worth it. So much to recap though. I will try to do it as succinctly as possible:

• I thought sticking with my food plan would be easy. It wasn't. My in-laws were committed to celebrating my birthday with all the usual trimmings, like cake and candy and dinner at Italian restaurants that haven't heard of gluten-free diets and breakfast at diners that still put feta in your spinach omelet even after you tell them 'no cheese' (but it doesn't matter because the coffee is undrinkable, and they don't have dairy-free alternatives to make it more palatable, so you have to go with cream anyway). It's cool, though, since I've had no problems getting immediately back on plan since I've been home.
• I will no longer complain about being a runner in St. Petersburg, FL, in the summertime. Southern runners on the Atlantic coast have it SO. MUCH. HARDER. Perhaps it's the fact the sun comes up just a little bit earlier to beat you down. AND if you aren't running fast enough, bugs will eat you alive. AND after five minutes, you are drenched in sweat because you can practically drink the humidity right from the air. So my "long" run in Pawley's Island only lasted a miserable four miles. Gulf coast, I heart you and I am so happy to be home.
• That eclipse was pretty sweet. I didn't buy special camera equipment, just took mental photos. For most of the day, my husband and I agonized over the weather forecast. They predicted rain, then no rain, then no rain but clouds, and it just didn't seem like things were going to cooperate with us. But I had to remind myself we weren't just there for the eclipse... we were overdue for a visit with the in-laws, we had a great mini-vacation, and I'd get another chance in seven years to see one if I wish to travel north to do so. (Also, there's one coming through my hometown in 2045. You can RSVP for my Eclipse-viewing party on Facebook.) BUT the odds were ever in our favor, and things stayed clear for us throughout the afternoon for us to bask in the awesomeness. 

My favorite part of the weekend, though, was that our drive to SC took us past Jacksonville on Saturday, home to friends Ben and I made while on a Disney cruise in January. When you aren't cruising with a giant family, Disney does a pretty good job of finding like-minded (read: 30-something childless couples who are also Disney addicts and happen to love Star Wars and runDisney) people to sit with at dinner. We've kept in touch with our friends on Facebook, and invited them out to lunch with us on Saturday since we'd be driving right past them. During our reunion, we realized they were just as excited about the eclipse as we were, so we extended the invite to them to bring their dog along and come with us to my in-laws house - and they accepted! We had a blast catching up with them all weekend. I learned they are signed up for quite a few runDisney events coming up, including the Princess Half, so I know I'll see them again soon.

Today while on my run, I saved a squirrel from becoming breakfast for two osprey. I'm not really sure why I did it, though. I kind of hate squirrels. Nothing sends me into a murderous rage quite like seeing a squirrel on my bird feeder at home. I'm all "That's not for you, buddy." But I was far from home, and just felt bad for the little guy, cowering in a bush while the osprey surrounded him. I chased them off, and gave the squirrel my most sincere "you're welcome."

So naturally the "You're welcome" song from Moana was stuck in my head for the rest of my run, and I had to listen to it when I got home. I searched for it in YouTube but a funny thing happened - I found this instead:
Man, people are so freakin' creative.

Not my week

It's been a bad week. I'm not sure what has sent me so far off my previous path, but I've definitely gone backwards. Today, I must course-correct. 

I've strayed from the Never Binge Again program. My inner pig got out of it's cage. I think he's back in there now, but I've gotta post extra sentries on watch. There is really no leeway for me to have eating free-for-alls again like I did this week. 

Because I've been eating things I have stayed away from in the last month, I've also felt exhausted. Whereas I used to easily wake up in the morning to get a workout done, I have been having a really hard time feeling motivated. My last real workout was my run on Tuesday, but I've been at least getting some walking in. 

Since I've been struggling both with food and exercise, I've lost some points this week on the Whole Life Challenge. There was also an additional component to the challenge this week to avoid social media and only check once each day. I do understand the rationale behind avoiding social media - it can be a time suck, and it can make you feel bad about yourself - but social media doesn't seem to have this impact on me (and when it does, I take a detox break). Facebook is actually a tool I use to coordinate my offline life, from connecting with teammates about our weekly kickball games to planning vacations with friends/family. So I decided to sacrifice WLC points in order to keep my social life alive. 

For example, I was supposed to have a day off of work today to hang out with my friends from Texas, who are in Orlando at Universal Studios with their family. I had been coordinating the meetup with them through Facebook. I was really looking forward to having a butterbeer with them, but a few things came up at work and I was disappointed that I had to cancel my plans. At least they're making their way to St. Pete to stay with me tomorrow night, so I won't totally miss catching up with them. 

Lastly, I noticed this week that the runDisney Tinkerbell Half Marathon registration has been postponed. It was supposed to happen later this month, but Disney quietly removed the registration info. 

My reaction when I saw the registration information was gone.

There's a rumor going around that the construction of a new resort out in Anaheim has really messed things up for runDisney races out there (which is why the Star Wars "Light Side" Half also does not have registration info yet). I am really hoping that they aren't totally cancelling the Tinkerbell race because it's on my bucket list, and I wanted to do it next year since I'm already doing the Princess Half. I really want that pink Coast to Coast challenge medal.

Anyway, although it was a bad week, I'm not going to dwell on it. Life is never going to be perfect, and I know it's a sign of my own inner strength that I've fallen so many times but continue to get back up and try again. 

Tranquil as a Forest

But on fire within.
Once you find your center you are sure to win!

Sorry everyone, I added this song to my running playlist to start channeling my favorite Disney Princess (Mulan) for next year's Princess Half and now it's stuck in my head.

Most people peg me for a Belle. I may be a brunette and I may like to read books, but I'd much rather go to war and fight for my father than remain someone's captive for him.

Speaking of my father, I blame him for getting me hooked on Dancing with the Stars. It's a guilty pleasure, I'm ashamed to admit. But I spent so much time with him over the last year that I learned it's one of his favorite shows. I think he really loved watching it with my stepmother, who was a dance teacher in her earlier years.

So when Normani Kordei did this on "Disney Night" on DWTS, it made me immediately want to learn the Paso Doble.




They even pulled Donny Osmond out from wherever he's been hiding to come sing the song again! Great choice of character + awesome dancing + fantastic singing... a formula that earned her a perfect 10 from all of the judges, and I hope she wins the whole contest (even though I had never heard of her before watching the show).

Disney is filming a live-action Mulan to be released late in 2018, but sadly it's a non-musical. How could they redo this movie and not include this song??

I realize today's ramblings have nothing to do with running or eating or being healthy. I just wanted to give some background if you happen to see me walking around singing "Be a Man" to myself so that you don't have to worry about engaging me in an awkward conversation about my gender identity.

You live for the Fight when it's all that you've got

So the big news of the day: Eliud Kipchoge was SO close to running a sub 2-hour marathon.

Is it too much to ask for me to be able to run half that distance in just about the same amount of time? Come on, people.

I've accepted the fact that it may never happen, but it doesn't mean I can't keep trying. I just need to make sure I'm not doing the same stupid things over and over again. And I am fairly confident I'm not because life looks a little bit different for me right now compared to when I was training for the Dark Side:

• In one week's time, I signed up for two half marathons, neither of which will be done in two hours. The St. Pete Run Fest is just too soon. I've somehow convinced a posse of ten women to run the Princess Half with me, which is great but also kind of awkward. I've never run with that many of my friends before, and the ones I do run with know I hate being held back (and it's why I like running with them frequently!). For this race, I don't know if we're running together or competing. I'm trying to put myself in the right mindset to run with my friends, not ahead of them. I know, I'm a terrible person. Please don't judge me too harshly. I'm tranquil as a forest but on fire within.
• I "beat" my eating disorder by becoming a padawan of Dr. Livingston. I first learned about his book, Never Binge Again, and wrote about him last July. I had some success following his strategy, but relapsed frequently in the latter half of the year. I decided to enroll in his one-on-one coaching program and, well, I'm never going to binge again. I'll write more about this in detail another time, because I do think this is a really important resource for other people struggling with binge eating. 
• As part of being an NBA student, I've learned to weigh in daily and don't fear the scale anymore. It's just data, a set of numbers that inform the choices I make in any given day. Prior to this program, I hadn't been on a scale (other than the doctor's office) in years, because knowing my weight could really ruin my day. 
• I'm on the max dosage of my thyroid medication, but it's not working. I feel exactly the same as I did when I started taking it last June. So the only thing left to do is to eat super clean, because clearly some of my dietary choices may have been inhibiting the meds from working. But here's the thing... if I start feeling better because I'm never binging and eating a super clean diet, then... well, what's really making me feel better? At this point, I think I'm just going to ask Dr. Paleo if I can phase out the meds. 
• I got suckered into taking the Whole Life Challenge beginning on May 20th. It's an 8-week diet/exercise/lifestyle challenge. For someone like me who lives every day as if it's a Whole Life Challenge, it's kind of a waste of $39. But quite a few of my family members are doing it, and it does gamify everything I've been trying to routinize over the last few months, so maybe it will be fun. There's still time to join if it's the kind of thing you think you might need to kick start a healthy lifestyle. Let me know in the comments if you are participating and I'll add you to my team. 

So there you have it. I have no expectation of running a sub 2 half this year and am going to try enjoying a run with friends. I am way better at eating now. And I'm only making positive choices for my health from here on out. Maybe it'll pay off for me with faster race times at some point in my life. 

May the 4th be with You

Of course I'm going to post on Star Wars Day, people. Anybody know what the deal is with runDisney's Star Wars "Light Side" Half Marathon weekend? It's usually held in January, but registration still hasn't opened yet. It's odd because the Princess Half Marathon isn't until February, but that registration process has already opened.

That's all I have to say about Star Wars today.

I went running this morning. First time in a LONG time. It went about as well as I could have expected. Worse, actually, but I'm not too worried about it right now. I'll improve. There's a lake near me that offers the closest thing to a 400m running track open to the public (I've mentioned this before, but the high school tracks are kept locked down here in FL). Crescent Lake is a ten minute walk from my house and actually has a 1.10 mile loop, so I decided I'd try training there this time around.

I haven't done one of these types of posts in a while:

THINGS SEEN ON TODAY'S RUN

• One of my kickball teammates. Oh yeah, I joined an adult co-ed kickball league over the winter. Our team was decent, but we didn't win the season. The summer league starts up again next week, and I've been recruited to play shortstop again. Anyway, I was only moderately embarrassed to be caught running so slowly by someone I know.
• A lady walking her cat. Ok, she was actually walking her dog, but her cat was following closely behind her. Kitty didn't want to be left out of the fun happening at the lake.
• A Florida softshell turtle. They say they only come out of the water to lay eggs.
  
• Quaker parakeets! I haven't seen these guys in quite some time, and I just chalked it up to all the various ways people are ruining the environment around here. I didn't get a photo of the ones I saw this morning, but here's one I'm borrowing from the internet.
• Ducklings   

Speaking of birds, I've acquired a lovely pair of Yard Doves over the last week. 

What is a Yard Dove, you ask?  Well, it's one of those birds they release at weddings that are referred to as doves, but are actually just white homing pigeons. They are trained to fly up to 500 miles back to their original home once released - doves just aren't smart enough to do that. 

One of these little birdies showed up last Wednesday night, and I went outside to inspect further, as I did not recognize it as a typical Florida bird that hangs out in my yard. When I went outside, the bird didn't retreat as most birds usually do. He just went about his business, continuing to eat whatever seeds he found out in our lawn. 

He's been back every day this week, and showed up with a mate on Monday. So I guess we're wedding dove owners now. We've affectionately named them Dovey and Pidgey McDoveFace, and Ben's already looking into how to get into the wedding dove business. 

Overzealous

This weekend was the St. Anthony's Triathlon here in St. Petersburg. I first learned about it last year, but wasn't able to attend as the entire month of April 2016 was kind of a shit storm for me. So I made it a point to get downtown yesterday morning to check it out. Yesterday's races were referred to as the "Meek and Mighty" races, and I noticed people of all ages, shapes, and abilities participating. I had no idea there was a mini-triathlon offered - I've only heard of a sprint triathlon, which is still a bit intimidating to me. But the Meek and Mighty race was shorter than a sprint:

• Swim 200 yards (in the town swimming pool - NOT in the bay)
• Bike 5.4 miles (some of the athletes were riding beach cruisers!)
• Run 1 mile

Guys, I could totally do this! I've always thought about triathlon, but have never jumped in because I'm not a strong swimmer and I didn't want to shell out $$$ for a road bike. The bike I have now is great for commuting - it's not as leisurely as a beach cruiser, but not as competitive as a road bike. But I see I could easily fit in with the other Meek and Mighty competitors. So I'm adding this race to the bucket list.

There's also a relay option for the triathlon. My husband hates running, but he doesn't mind biking or swimming. I'm sure we could easily find a third not-so-competitive team member. So that's something that sounds really appealing too.

But this won't be happening in 2018. I've already got the Princess Half marathon scheduled for February, and plan on doing the Tinkerbell Half in May. I don't want to risk injury in April next year. Plus it's better for my budget if I wait until 2019. 

Still, watching some of the races yesterday was super inspiring, and the race expo is one of the best I've been to. While wandering around the vendors, Ben and I were intrigued by a tent labeled "St. Pete Run Fest." We learned this is an inaugural running event that is finally bringing a half marathon to St. Petersburg this November! We have our fair share of 5ks here, but it's been ages since a half marathon has been run here.

The organizers enticed us with discounted registration rates, complimentary tickets to a Tampa Bay Rays baseball game, free sun visors, and images of the inaugural medal (it's a spinner!)

So I'm sure you see where this is going.

I signed up for a half marathon in November. (If you're wondering, I couldn't convince Ben to do the half with me, but I'm proud of him for signing up for the 5k.)

Shit. So here I thought I had ten months to train for a half.

And now I've only got six and a half.

This may sound like a long time to the average runner, but my followers know how I feel about preparation. There's just never enough time. 

Episode 3: Return of the Blog

I'm a glutton for punishment.

Running and I are still not friends. But the Princess Half Marathon is on my bucket list, and next year is the 10th anniversary of the race, which means it's going to be a pretty big deal. It's also the 5th anniversary of the Fairy Tale Challenge. I can never sign up for just one race knowing doing two in a row gets you an awesome third medal.

I'm still mad at Running, though. Waiting for my apology. You've got a little time to think it over, Running, because the race isn't until next February. But you should know that this means I'm going to do whatever is in my power to also register for the Tinkerbell Half Marathon at Disneyland next May so that I can get the pink Coast to Coast challenge medal. So... you better start kissing up to me real fast.

Not a lot has happened since I shut down in January. My new project didn't take off the way I had hoped it might, although I did win a short story contest last week which gave me renewed hope in my writing ability. There's skill there when I really want there to be. But I have no expectation of Running this half marathon in under two hours. I've been sick for most of the month of April. Not like confined-to-bed sick, just lousy enough that it ruins any motivation I have to workout. Once my current cold clears up, I will still train as if I am aiming for sub-two, but there's a decent shot I'll be Running the Princess Half with a few friends of varied ability. I'll know more on Tuesday when general registration opens for the race.

Oh, I got to register early because I have a Walt Disney World Annual Pass. /bragging. But man, the process was super stressful today. The Annual Passholder site wasn't linking correctly to the registration page. And there is only a limited number of early registration slots, so when it didn't work, I got really agitated and immediately called runDisney. They tried to walk me through different options for 45 minutes (clear cookies, try typing in this URL, are you SURE you logged into your MyDisneyExperience account, etc.). I tried it on three different computers - my work laptop, my personal laptop, and my husband's laptop - to no avail. Finally, the customer service associate was informed that the link was broken (thank you, Captain Obvious), and asked me to try to register again in 30 minutes.

A brief moment of clarity came over me when I hung up the phone and I remembered I had bookmarked the early registration website after I had registered for the Infinity Gauntlet Challenge last year. My bookmark worked! Registration complete. Thank goodness, because as of 2 hours after registration opened, the Passholder website still wasn't updated, and the early registration slots for the Fairy Tale Challenge appeared to be sold out. After perusing the runDisney Facebook page, I saw the rumor that the early registration sites were up for Disneyland Annual Passholders and Disney Vacation Club Members, which is quite the scandal for Disney if this is true. Disney's gain from blocking out WDW Passholders: Disneyland Passholders will have to spend more money for park tickets and hotels, and DVC members have already promised their first borns to Disney to pay for their membership. And it's not like anybody at the call center was telling callers what the actual registration link was - they were just redirecting us back to the site with the broken link. Whether this was intentional or not, a lot of WDW Passholders were left out of registration, and are really unhappy. I would hope they'd offer another shot to their most loyal customers, but more than likely, they'll have to register on Tuesday with everyone else. And it's going to be tough... this is Disney's most popular race, and to be the 10th anniversary makes it even a bigger draw!

But I've got my spot and I'm committed. So it's time to change the rules to ensure I've got a better shot at improving - no more backsliding. After all, doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results = insanity. Here are my new rules:

• I eat what I want. (Granted, what I usually want has changed very recently.)
• I exercise how I want. (This includes walking, jogging, speedwork, crossfit, and spin class.)
• I write when I want. (No more compulsive daily posts.)  

Sound good? Good.